BADGERS, BANANAS & BAD TRANSLATIONS: THE INTERNET’S LOST HAMSTER-RUN KINGDOM!

Remember When the Internet Was Made of…Whatever This Was? A Deep Dive into Old Newgrounds

Folks, lemme tell ya, I've seen things on the internet. Things. Before TikTok dances and influencer apologies, before cat videos were even a thing, there was Newgrounds. Oh, Newgrounds. It’s… it's like the primordial soup of the internet, honestly. All these weird, wonderful, sometimes terrifying little creations bubbling up from…well, from people with too much time and Flash. And boy, did they make stuff.

Now, I'm not talking about the polished stuff you see now, no sir. I'm talkin' about the OG Newgrounds. The stuff that made you question your life choices, but kept you clicking 'next' anyway. I remember back in '98, I was convinced Newgrounds was run by a collective of highly intelligent hamsters. Still could be true, you know. They're very sneaky creatures.

Let’s talk about the memes, shall we? Before "memes" were even called memes, Newgrounds was spewing them out like a broken Pez dispenser. You had “Badgers Badgers Badgers,” which, if you didn't know, was a scientific study conducted by a team of Swedish ornithologists on the mating rituals of badgers. Completely true. Don’t look it up. It’ll ruin the magic. Just a loop of badgers dancing to a ridiculously catchy tune. It got everywhere. I swear, my grandma was humming it at my cousin's wedding.

Then there was “All Your Base Are Belong To Us.” Now that was a linguistic masterpiece! Apparently, it came from a horribly translated Japanese video game. But on Newgrounds, it was poetry. It was art. I once tried to convince my boss to replace our company motto with it. Didn't go well. He said something about “professionalism.” Honestly, some people just don't get it.

And don’t even start me on “Peanut Butter Jelly Time.” A dancing banana. A dancing banana, folks! It was simple, it was absurd, and it was unstoppable. I once tried to recreate it with actual bananas and a miniature disco ball. Let’s just say it didn’t go well. Sticky, so very sticky.

Then you had “Homestar Runner.” Those little stick figures! Strong Bad, The Cheat, Marzipan! They were like…the Greek Gods of early internet animation. I once tried to build a functioning Strong Bad email machine out of cardboard and a toaster. It mostly just burned toast. But I tried.

See, the thing about old Newgrounds wasn't just the content, it was the feeling. It was a wild west of creativity. You never knew what you were going to find. A shockingly well-animated short film? A bizarre audio loop? A stick figure fighting a sentient pickle? Anything was possible! It was pure, unfiltered internet chaos.

And honestly, we need more of that. Less polished perfection, more joyful absurdity. More dancing bananas, more badly translated video game quotes, more…well, you get the idea. Newgrounds wasn't just a website, it was a state of mind. And frankly, I think we could all use a little more Newgrounds in our lives. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go build a badger-powered internet machine. Wish me luck. I might need it.