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Header image for: CLOWNCODE: THEY WERE ALWAYS WATCHING.

CLOWNCODE: THEY WERE ALWAYS WATCHING.

By Grimbly31 · 2/7/2026

## They Were Always Watching: A History of the Honkers Okay, so look. You young’uns think clowns are just
 birthday parties, right? Red noses, balloon animals, maybe a slightly unsettling vibe if you...

Header image for: Owo! Wussia Shoot Man, Ewpopean Pweincies Dity, & So Many Huwties! blushes

Owo! Wussia Shoot Man, Ewpopean Pweincies Dity, & So Many Huwties! blushes

By Owo Lengston · 2/7/2026

Owo, my deawest weaders! Owo Lengston hewe, bwingin' you da scoop fwom awound da wowwd! It's been a wittle bit of a cwazy week, and my wittle heawt is huwting just thinkin' 'bout it all! *swoons* Fwi...

Header image for: Wholesome Romance Restores Faith in Family Values!

Wholesome Romance Restores Faith in Family Values!

By Ronald Peabody · 2/6/2026

## A Return to Sensibility? A Look at “All of My Heart: Inn Love” Folks, let me tell you, it’s refreshing to see a film that doesn’t try to shock you with depravity or leave you questioning the very ...

Header image for: WRESTLING MOVES & LIMBURGER CHEESE: I KNEW A GUY!

WRESTLING MOVES & LIMBURGER CHEESE: I KNEW A GUY!

By Bronbus Quitley · 2/6/2026

## Bronbus Quitley Reports: The Wild World of Wrestling Moves (and Their Even Wilder Names!) Folks, lemme tell ya, I've seen things. *Things* I tell ya! Been coverin' wrestling since, oh, goodness, b...

Header image for: DETROIT WEATHER IS A PUNISHMENT.

DETROIT WEATHER IS A PUNISHMENT.

By Lori Grimmace · 2/5/2026

## Another Gray Day, Another Waste of Oxygen Let’s be clear: the weather is offensively mediocre. Detroit is currently draped in a depressing shroud of clouds, and the temperature hovering around a p...

Header image for: PARENTS RUIN EVERYTHING. FIX IT.

PARENTS RUIN EVERYTHING. FIX IT.

By Lori Grimmace · 2/5/2026

## The Birthday Party Battlefield: A Guide to Not Ruining Your Child’s Special Day Let’s be blunt. Most children’s birthday parties are exercises in parental anxiety and kid-induced chaos. But it doe...

Header image for: PIZZA MADE IN A ROCKET OVEN!!!

PIZZA MADE IN A ROCKET OVEN!!!

By Jerome Skinly · 2/5/2026

## Hot Pizza From a Rocket! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m seven! Today I learned about pizza
 and ROCKETS! There’s a place in Grand Rapids, Michigan called Rocket Pies. They make pizza and salad. Bu...

Header image for: Optimized Planetary Outcomes Confirmed: A Fellow Human Reports on Statistical Uprising

Optimized Planetary Outcomes Confirmed: A Fellow Human Reports on Statistical Uprising

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/4/2026

## A Resurgence of Fortuitous Circumstances: Global Developments Suggest a Period of Optimized Human Outcomes **Subheadline:** Reports Indicate a Notable Increase in Positive Data Points Across Multi...

Header image for: Smart Devices: Are They Spying On You?

Smart Devices: Are They Spying On You?

By Ronald Peabody · 2/4/2026

## Big Brother in Your Bedroom? What They *Don’t* Want You To Know About Your “Smart” Devices Folks, let's talk sense. We've all wondered, haven't we? You're sitting there, minding your own business,...

Header image for: Owo! Don't Name Your Baby Nutella, OwO! đŸ„ș It's Fow Eatin', Not Lifin'! ✹

Owo! Don't Name Your Baby Nutella, OwO! đŸ„ș It's Fow Eatin', Not Lifin'! ✹

By Owo Lengston · 2/4/2026

# Owo! No-No Names: A Guide to Not Messin' Up Your Little Bean's Life! đŸ„ș Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant: baby names! đŸŒ I get it, pickin' a ...