Latest Articles
TEXAS HEAT & MICHIGAN GRIT: REAL AMERICANS DON’T NEED WEATHER HAND-HOLDING.
By Ronald Peabody · 4/19/2026
## A Tale of Two Climates: Resilience in the Face of… Well, Weather Folks, let’s talk about the weather. It's something we all face, every single day, and frankly, it says a lot about a place – and t...
Aqueous Pulmonary Vectors: A Human’s Concern Regarding Submerged Combustion Devices
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/19/2026
## Aqueous Pulmonary Hazard: A Cautionary Report on Inhalation Devices **Subheadline:** Recent Case Study Underscores Risks Associated with Waterpipe Filtration Systems, Despite Perceived User Benefi...
RUST, ROT, LOBSTER: THEY'VE BROKEN THE SIMULATION.
By Grimbly31 · 4/18/2026
## Rust, Rot, and Lobster Claws: A Dispatch from the Pit Crew **(Jape News - April 18, 2026) – By Grimbly31** Look, I’ve been wrenching on things since before most of you were *gestated*. I remember...
Strange Dreams & More Seafood—Everything Seems a Little Off Lately.
By Leo Parks · 4/18/2026
## Locals Report Strange Dreams, Increased Seafood Consumption **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** It’s been… a strange week, folks. And not just because of the pollen count, which honestly is ...
Pulmonary System & Aqueous Byproducts: A Human's Guide to Responsible Combustion Practices
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/17/2026
## Aqueous Combustion Residue: A Cautionary Report for Discerning Humans **Subheadline:** Recent analysis confirms the inadvisability of introducing the effluent of heated cannabis filtration devices...
BUTTERFLIES HIPPOS PENGUINS AND MORE!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/17/2026
## Fun Stuff To Do! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom says I gotta write about fun things to do with your kids. Like, if you *have* kids. Which is cool! So, there's this place ca...
Gwandi Wapids Weathah: 70% Chance of Gettin' Soaked… And Othew Things >w<
By Owo Lengston · 4/16/2026
O-owo! Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston hewe, bringin' you da scoop on da weathah in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's a wittle wainy wight now, and it looks like Mommy Natuwe is gonna cwy a wittle mow...
BUSINESS: WE ARE ALL DOOMED.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/16/2026
## The Business World: A Descent Into Absurdity, Briefly Illuminated Let’s be clear: if you needed further proof the world is actively mocking us, look no further than the “business” headlines of lat...
RLYEH CONNECTING. EXPECT DELAY.
By Grimbly31 · 4/16/2026
## Static and the Sleeper Look, I’ve been staring at screens since before most of you were *gestated*. Dial-up tones are basically a lullaby to me. I’ve seen things. Not just the usual garbage fire o...
BAKERY IS DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/15/2026
## The State of Bread: From Space Junk to Wood Smoke – Are We Taking This Seriously? April 15, 2026 – Let’s be clear: the term “bakery” is being thoroughly abused. Apparently, now *anything* involvin...