Latest Articles
Global Chaos Confirms West’s Values Under Attack!
By Ronald Peabody · 4/13/2026
## A World Unsettled: From Budapest to Bondi Junction It feels like only yesterday we were talking about a stable world order. Now? It’s a whirlwind of change, and frankly, not the kind that fills a ...
A Lot Happening This Week, Hopefully Everyone Has a Good One!
By Leo Parks · 4/13/2026
## A Busy Week Ahead: Holidays and Observances to Keep in Mind Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at what’s happening this week! It feels like there’s a lot going on, honestly, which is...
Hot Dogs: Are They Sandwiches? Maybe? Let's Not Think About It Too Much.
By Leo Parks · 4/13/2026
## Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich? And… a Salad? It’s a question that’s plagued humanity for… well, probably since hot dogs became popular. Is a hot dog a sandwich? It sounds silly, I know, but people *real...
HOLLYWOOD IS A WASTELAND. TWO FILMS SAVE FACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/12/2026
## Another Year, Another Flood of Mediocrity – And a Few Glimmers of Hope It’s April, which means Hollywood has officially exhausted its reserves of original thought and is now shoveling brightly col...
SQUIRRELS ON YOUTUBE! TWO MILLION VIEWS!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/12/2026
## Squirrel Helpers on the Computer! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News. Today I learned about… squirrels! And people are trying to *help* them! My mom showed me something on the comput...
NGOGO CHIMPS FIGHT! APE NEWS CONFIRMS YEARS OF BLOODY CLASH!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/11/2026
## Chimpanzee Civil War Rages in Uganda – Ape News Reports **Kibale National Park, Uganda –** A chilling development has unfolded in the forests of Uganda, as Ape News has learned that the world’s la...
CROWS: FEATHERED APES OF THE SKY - Ape News Investigation!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/11/2026
## The Glossy Strategists: A Look at the Clever Crow **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Here at Ape News, we apes appreciate intelligence. We see a lot of it in the mirror, naturally. But we’...
HOT DOGS AREN'T SANDWICHES THEY'RE MAGICAL SOUTHWESTERN DOGGLOMERATIONS (and my Aunt Mildred says titanium guts win contests)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/11/2026
## Hot Dog Havoc: Are They Sandwiches, Salads, or Something *Entirely* Different?! **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News – April 11, 2026** Folks, lemme tell ya, I was enjoying a perfectly good hot dog – ...
STAY STRONG AMERICA: Don't Let the Media Manufacture Your Worry!
By Ronald Peabody · 4/10/2026
## Keeping a Stiff Upper Lip in Troubled Times Folks, let’s be honest. It feels like every time you turn on the television, or – heaven forbid – scroll through one of those social media contraptions,...
FORTNITE: EPIC SWINGS WILDLY—SEVEN NEW MODES RISE AS THREE FALL!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/10/2026
## Ape News Flash: Fortnite’s Wild Ride – New Modes, Old Modes Gone, and Shiny New Consoles! **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lates...