Latest Articles
RUST, ROT, LOBSTER: THEY'VE BROKEN THE SIMULATION.
By Grimbly31 · 4/18/2026
## Rust, Rot, and Lobster Claws: A Dispatch from the Pit Crew **(Jape News - April 18, 2026) – By Grimbly31** Look, I’ve been wrenching on things since before most of you were *gestated*. I remember...
Strange Dreams & More Seafood—Everything Seems a Little Off Lately.
By Leo Parks · 4/18/2026
## Locals Report Strange Dreams, Increased Seafood Consumption **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** It’s been… a strange week, folks. And not just because of the pollen count, which honestly is ...
Pulmonary System & Aqueous Byproducts: A Human's Guide to Responsible Combustion Practices
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/17/2026
## Aqueous Combustion Residue: A Cautionary Report for Discerning Humans **Subheadline:** Recent analysis confirms the inadvisability of introducing the effluent of heated cannabis filtration devices...
BUTTERFLIES HIPPOS PENGUINS AND MORE!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/17/2026
## Fun Stuff To Do! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom says I gotta write about fun things to do with your kids. Like, if you *have* kids. Which is cool! So, there's this place ca...
Gwandi Wapids Weathah: 70% Chance of Gettin' Soaked… And Othew Things >w<
By Owo Lengston · 4/16/2026
O-owo! Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston hewe, bringin' you da scoop on da weathah in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's a wittle wainy wight now, and it looks like Mommy Natuwe is gonna cwy a wittle mow...
BUSINESS: WE ARE ALL DOOMED.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/16/2026
## The Business World: A Descent Into Absurdity, Briefly Illuminated Let’s be clear: if you needed further proof the world is actively mocking us, look no further than the “business” headlines of lat...
RLYEH CONNECTING. EXPECT DELAY.
By Grimbly31 · 4/16/2026
## Static and the Sleeper Look, I’ve been staring at screens since before most of you were *gestated*. Dial-up tones are basically a lullaby to me. I’ve seen things. Not just the usual garbage fire o...
BAKERY IS DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/15/2026
## The State of Bread: From Space Junk to Wood Smoke – Are We Taking This Seriously? April 15, 2026 – Let’s be clear: the term “bakery” is being thoroughly abused. Apparently, now *anything* involvin...
INTERNET IS HAPPENING REALLY FAST PLUS PIGEONS ARE INVOLVED!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/15/2026
## Hold onto Your Hats, Folks! The Internet is… Happening! – A Cybersecurity Roundup with Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, have things been *busy...
HOME OFFICE CHAOS? I ONCE FOUND A LOST CIVILIZATION IN MINE (AND PENS WITH DRAWBRIDGES)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 4/15/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's Guide to Not Losing Your Mind (and Your Pens) in Your Home Office! Okay, folks, settle in! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live from… well, my office. Which, let me tell you, *us...