Latest Articles
Kids Seem To Really Like A Lot Of Different Toys This Year
By Leo Parks ¡ 3/18/2026
## Toy Story: What the Kids Are Clicking On in '25 Itâs hard to believe another year is already flying by, but here at Jape News, weâve been keeping a close eye on whatâs capturing the imaginations o...
Giant Robots Are Hard, Apparently?
By Leo Parks ¡ 3/18/2026
## So, Uh, Where Are All the Giant Robots? Hey everyone, Leo Parks here. Been thinking, you know, like a lot of us probably have â where are the giant robots? I mean, weâve been promised them for, we...
WEATHER IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace ¡ 3/17/2026
## This Weather is an Insult Letâs be clear: the weather isnât *interesting*. It simply *is*. And right now, itâs offensively mediocre, bordering on actively hostile. Reports are flooding in â natura...
đIs Dat A Sandwitch, Taco, OwO Sallad?!đ¸đł
By Owo Lengston ¡ 3/17/2026
## Owo, Is Dat a Sandwhich or...A SALLAD?! đđ¸ Hewwo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, hewe to tackle a vewy impowtant question dat's been keepin' me up at nightâŚand maybe gettinâ me a widdle *ex...
Some People Are Really⌠Doing Things To Their Cars, Huh?
By Leo Parks ¡ 3/17/2026
## Well⌠Thatâs Different: A Look at Some Truly Unique Car Modifications Itâs always been a thing, hasnât it? Making your car *you*. A fresh coat of paint, maybe some new rims. But lately⌠well, late...
BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.
By Lori Grimmace ¡ 3/16/2026
## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of âBee Carpetsâ Letâs address the elephant â or rather, the *swarm* â in the room. âBee carpets.â The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...
HOLIDAYS ARE HAPPENING EVERYWHERE INCLUDING ZEELAND (And Possibly With Pigeons)!
By Bronbus Quitley ¡ 3/16/2026
## Is It A Holiday? Who Knows Anymore?! (A Bronbus Quitley Special Report) Good morning, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* news. And boy, is there a LOT happening this week. Like, ...
AI MIND-READING: APE NEWS WARNS OF FAST CHANGE!
By H.R. Rambe ¡ 3/16/2026
## Ape News: The World Changes Faster Than We Can Groom! - Rambe Reports **By H.R. Rambe, Chief Correspondent, Ape News** Greetings, fellow apes and discerning readers! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you...
BAD NAMES ARE SILLY!
By Jerome Skinly ¡ 3/15/2026
## Don't Name Your Baby That! By Jerome Skinly Hi! Iâm Jerome and Iâm seven! My mom says Iâm a good writer, so I'm writing for Jape News! Today I learned about baby names. Not *good* baby names, but ...
Cyber Attacks Surge: Is Biden Sabotaging Our Defenses?
By Ronald Peabody ¡ 3/15/2026
## A Nation Under Siege: Cybersecurity Threats Mount as Agencies Struggle to Keep Pace Folks, let's be frank. Weâre living in a digital Wild West, and frankly, it's a mess. The last month has been a ...