Latest Articles
WEATHER SYSTEMS DOWN—APE NEWS CANNOT CONFIRM GREY!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/5/2026
## A Most Peculiar Day – Weather Report, March 5th, 2026 By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Friends, primates, citizens! Your correspondent, H.R. Rambe, brings you the latest on… well, on the weather. Or rathe...
Trying To Keep Things Tidy-ish, Honestly.
By Leo Parks · 3/5/2026
## A Slightly Sweaty Guide to a Slightly Less Chaotic Home Office - By Leo Parks Okay, so, um, hi everyone. Leo Parks here. And, well, my home office… it *was* a bit of a mess. A lot of a mess, actua...
Things Feel A Little Strange, Hopefully It Passes Quickly
By Leo Parks · 3/5/2026
## A Strange Calm Before… Something? It’s been a weird week, honestly. Not *bad*, just…off. Everyone’s been talking about it down at the diner, and Old Man Hemlock’s been practically glued to his sho...
Clowns Are…Around, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 3/4/2026
## A Quiet Observation on… Well, Clowns It’s been a bit of a strange week, honestly. Everyone’s been *talking* about clowns. Not, like, scary clowns, thankfully. Just… clowns. I overheard Mrs. Gable ...
Owo No Intewnet = No Fowtniwe Pwaytime! >w< blushes
By Owo Lengston · 3/4/2026
O-OwO! Hewwo evwyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston hewe! >w< It's been a wittle bit since I've touched base on Fortnite, hasn't it? *giggles* And w-wow, things awe... complicated. I've been twying to get...
Weather's Just…Kind of Doing Its Thing Today
By Leo Parks · 3/3/2026
## A Bit… Unpredictable, Honestly Okay, so, the weather today. It’s… well, it’s *something*. I tried to get the official forecast, you know, the really detailed one with the temperatures and everythi...
Virtual Reality: Another Way to Escape Real Responsibility?
By Ronald Peabody · 3/3/2026
## The Future of Fun: Are We Losing Sight of *Real* Play? Folks, let's talk about gaming. It used to be simple, didn't it? A controller, a screen, and a good, honest cartridge. Now? It's all flashing...
TUBA POWERED BUTTERFLY FARMS AND HAMSTER GPS—I KNEW IT!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/3/2026
## The Tuba: More Than Just Oompah! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, I’ve been *thinking* about tubas. Really thinking. For weeks, actu...
GIANT ROBOTS ARE HARD TO MAKE!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/2/2026
## Why Don't I Have a Robot to Help With My Homework? By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Today I was thinking, why doesn't *everyone* have a giant robot? Like, a REALLY big one! It would be SO cool. It cou...
MARCH IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## The Calendar is CLUTTERED. A Rundown of March's Madness. Let's be blunt: March is an avalanche of "awareness days" and half-hearted celebrations. Apparently, *everyone* deserves a day. And frankly...