Latest Articles

CLOWNCODE: THEY WERE ALWAYS WATCHING.
By Grimbly31 · 2/7/2026
## They Were Always Watching: A History of the Honkers Okay, so look. You youngâuns think clowns are just⊠birthday parties, right? Red noses, balloon animals, maybe a slightly unsettling vibe if you...

Owo! Wussia Shoot Man, Ewpopean Pweincies Dity, & So Many Huwties! blushes
By Owo Lengston · 2/7/2026
Owo, my deawest weaders! Owo Lengston hewe, bwingin' you da scoop fwom awound da wowwd! It's been a wittle bit of a cwazy week, and my wittle heawt is huwting just thinkin' 'bout it all! *swoons* Fwi...

Wholesome Romance Restores Faith in Family Values!
By Ronald Peabody · 2/6/2026
## A Return to Sensibility? A Look at âAll of My Heart: Inn Loveâ Folks, let me tell you, itâs refreshing to see a film that doesnât try to shock you with depravity or leave you questioning the very ...

WRESTLING MOVES & LIMBURGER CHEESE: I KNEW A GUY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 2/6/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: The Wild World of Wrestling Moves (and Their Even Wilder Names!) Folks, lemme tell ya, I've seen things. *Things* I tell ya! Been coverin' wrestling since, oh, goodness, b...

DETROIT WEATHER IS A PUNISHMENT.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/5/2026
## Another Gray Day, Another Waste of Oxygen Letâs be clear: the weather is offensively mediocre. Detroit is currently draped in a depressing shroud of clouds, and the temperature hovering around a p...

PARENTS RUIN EVERYTHING. FIX IT.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/5/2026
## The Birthday Party Battlefield: A Guide to Not Ruining Your Childâs Special Day Letâs be blunt. Most childrenâs birthday parties are exercises in parental anxiety and kid-induced chaos. But it doe...

PIZZA MADE IN A ROCKET OVEN!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 2/5/2026
## Hot Pizza From a Rocket! Hi! Iâm Jerome Skinly and Iâm seven! Today I learned about pizza⊠and ROCKETS! Thereâs a place in Grand Rapids, Michigan called Rocket Pies. They make pizza and salad. Bu...

Optimized Planetary Outcomes Confirmed: A Fellow Human Reports on Statistical Uprising
By Clungo Gleeb · 2/4/2026
## A Resurgence of Fortuitous Circumstances: Global Developments Suggest a Period of Optimized Human Outcomes **Subheadline:** Reports Indicate a Notable Increase in Positive Data Points Across Multi...

Smart Devices: Are They Spying On You?
By Ronald Peabody · 2/4/2026
## Big Brother in Your Bedroom? What They *Donât* Want You To Know About Your âSmartâ Devices Folks, let's talk sense. We've all wondered, haven't we? You're sitting there, minding your own business,...

Owo! Don't Name Your Baby Nutella, OwO! đ„ș It's Fow Eatin', Not Lifin'! âš
By Owo Lengston · 2/4/2026
# Owo! No-No Names: A Guide to Not Messin' Up Your Little Bean's Life! đ„ș Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to talk about somethin' *vewy* impowtant: baby names! đŒ I get it, pickin' a ...