Latest Articles
GLOBAL ECONOMY: DOOMED.
By Lori Grimmace · 5/25/2026
## The Bill Is Due, And It’s Catastrophic. Let’s dispense with the pleasantries. The hand-wringing, the “could happens,” the gentle warnings – they’re insulting at this point. New data, finally surfa...
GOLD SANTA WALKS AND PUMPKINS!
By Jerome Skinly · 5/25/2026
## Stuff Happening This Week! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! It’s May 25th, 2026 today. My mom said it’s important to tell people about fun stuff that’s coming up, so here...
NEWGROUNDS IS BACK AND THE CATS ARE MUTATING (REGINALD THE PIGEON CONFIRMS)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 5/25/2026
## Hold on to Your Hats, Folks! Newgrounds is… Back?! (And It Involves Mutant Cats, Apparently) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News** Good morning, citizens! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the absol...
APE NEWS: Finances Plummeting – Economic Tree About to Fall!
By H.R. Rambe · 5/24/2026
## Ape News Flash: World Finances Swinging Towards Disaster **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Economic Correspondent** Friends, fellow primates, esteemed readers of Ape News – we have troubling news from th...
I LOVE BOOSTERS WILL MAKE YOU LIVE FOREVER (And Dandelions Are Involved!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 5/24/2026
## Bronbus Quitley’s Big Picture Bonanza: Is “I Love Boosters” the Key to Eternal Youth?! (And Other Movie Musings) Good mornin’ folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your guide to the glittering, sometimes b...
HEXAGONAL FLOOR UNITS: HUMAN DWELLINGS ECHO INSECTAN BIOLOGY – A CORRESPONDENT’S OBSERVATION
By Clungo Gleeb · 5/23/2026
## Domestic Flooring Units Mimic Hymenopteran Wing Structures: A Report **New Textile Offerings Seek to Integrate Naturalist Aesthetics into Human Dwellings** Today, this humble correspondent – a fe...
Societal Fabric Demonstrates Accelerated Fraying; Collective Existence Under Evaluation
By Clungo Gleeb · 5/23/2026
## National Unity Experiences Structural Degradation; Citizens Contemplate Dissolution of Collective **Subheadline:** Increasing calls for “National Divorce” signify a fracture in the societal cohesi...
TUBA: NOT JUST OOMPAH, SYSTEM OVERRIDE COMPLETE.
By Grimbly31 · 5/22/2026
## Brass & Bass: Beyond the Oompah – Seriously, What *Can't* You Do With a Tuba? Okay, look. I’m Grimbly31. I’ve been online since dial-up was considered *fast*. I’ve seen things. I've *done* things....
Back to Basics: Cars That Won't Bankrupt America
By Ronald Peabody · 5/22/2026
## The Backbone of America: Sensible Cars for Sensible Folks Folks, let’s talk reality. We’re living in times where a hard-earned dollar doesn't stretch like it used to. Lavish spending on fancy vehi...
SUNSHINE GOOD FOR BANANA STRIPPING SAYS Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe · 5/21/2026
## A Pleasant Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest atmospheric conditions ...