Latest Articles
BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/16/2026
## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of “Bee Carpets” Let’s address the elephant – or rather, the *swarm* – in the room. “Bee carpets.” The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...
HOLIDAYS ARE HAPPENING EVERYWHERE INCLUDING ZEELAND (And Possibly With Pigeons)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/16/2026
## Is It A Holiday? Who Knows Anymore?! (A Bronbus Quitley Special Report) Good morning, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* news. And boy, is there a LOT happening this week. Like, ...
AI MIND-READING: APE NEWS WARNS OF FAST CHANGE!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/16/2026
## Ape News: The World Changes Faster Than We Can Groom! - Rambe Reports **By H.R. Rambe, Chief Correspondent, Ape News** Greetings, fellow apes and discerning readers! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you...
BAD NAMES ARE SILLY!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/15/2026
## Don't Name Your Baby That! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven! My mom says I’m a good writer, so I'm writing for Jape News! Today I learned about baby names. Not *good* baby names, but ...
Cyber Attacks Surge: Is Biden Sabotaging Our Defenses?
By Ronald Peabody · 3/15/2026
## A Nation Under Siege: Cybersecurity Threats Mount as Agencies Struggle to Keep Pace Folks, let's be frank. We’re living in a digital Wild West, and frankly, it's a mess. The last month has been a ...
BABIES NEED TOYS NOT SHINY THINGS!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/15/2026
## Should Babies Have iPhones? By Jerome Skinly, Age 7 Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven! My teacher, Ms. Davis, asked us to write about stuff. I was thinking… should babies have iPhones? Like, the *real*...
TURTLES, PIXELS, MAGICCON! APE NEWS REPORTS MANAVERSE MAYHEM!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/14/2026
## Shellshocked Strategists & Digital Dimensions – Ape News on the Manaverse! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of Magic: The Gathering, or as *we* c...
VOIDGAZERS STILL FIGHTING RIGS. PROFITMOTIVATED MEMORY HOARDERS.
By Grimbly31 · 3/14/2026
## Dusting Off the Relics & Gazing into the Void: A Hardware Rundown for the Old Guard Alright, settle in, you young whippersnappers. Grimbly31 here, and lemme tell ya, seeing what passes for “cuttin...
Newgrounds Was…Kind of Special, Wasn't It?
By Leo Parks · 3/13/2026
## Remember When The Internet Was…Different? A Look Back at Newgrounds’ Golden Age It’s…well, it’s been a little while since things online felt *simple*, you know? Before algorithms and endless scrol...
Newgrounds Was Pretty Cool, Wasn't It?
By Leo Parks · 3/13/2026
## Remember When...? A Look Back at Newgrounds' Golden Age It’s… well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? A lot has changed on the internet. Platforms come and go, memes flare up and fade away faster than...