Latest Articles
BUTTERFLIES BLOOM, CIDERS FLOW—APE NEWS CONFIRMS HUMANS NOT COMPLETELY USELESS!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/20/2026
## Ape News: A Whirlwind Week of Wonders! Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown from Ape News on all the happenings this week. Seems like the humans are determined to fill...
HOME OFFICE: FIX IT. NOW.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/20/2026
## Your Home Office is a Disaster. Here's How to Fix It. Let’s be blunt: if your home office resembles a landfill, you’re not inspiring productivity; you’re cultivating chaos. The internet is awash i...
TEXAS HEAT & MICHIGAN GRIT: REAL AMERICANS DON’T NEED WEATHER HAND-HOLDING.
By Ronald Peabody · 4/19/2026
## A Tale of Two Climates: Resilience in the Face of… Well, Weather Folks, let’s talk about the weather. It's something we all face, every single day, and frankly, it says a lot about a place – and t...
Aqueous Pulmonary Vectors: A Human’s Concern Regarding Submerged Combustion Devices
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/19/2026
## Aqueous Pulmonary Hazard: A Cautionary Report on Inhalation Devices **Subheadline:** Recent Case Study Underscores Risks Associated with Waterpipe Filtration Systems, Despite Perceived User Benefi...
RUST, ROT, LOBSTER: THEY'VE BROKEN THE SIMULATION.
By Grimbly31 · 4/18/2026
## Rust, Rot, and Lobster Claws: A Dispatch from the Pit Crew **(Jape News - April 18, 2026) – By Grimbly31** Look, I’ve been wrenching on things since before most of you were *gestated*. I remember...
Strange Dreams & More Seafood—Everything Seems a Little Off Lately.
By Leo Parks · 4/18/2026
## Locals Report Strange Dreams, Increased Seafood Consumption **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** It’s been… a strange week, folks. And not just because of the pollen count, which honestly is ...
Pulmonary System & Aqueous Byproducts: A Human's Guide to Responsible Combustion Practices
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/17/2026
## Aqueous Combustion Residue: A Cautionary Report for Discerning Humans **Subheadline:** Recent analysis confirms the inadvisability of introducing the effluent of heated cannabis filtration devices...
BUTTERFLIES HIPPOS PENGUINS AND MORE!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 4/17/2026
## Fun Stuff To Do! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom says I gotta write about fun things to do with your kids. Like, if you *have* kids. Which is cool! So, there's this place ca...
Gwandi Wapids Weathah: 70% Chance of Gettin' Soaked… And Othew Things >w<
By Owo Lengston · 4/16/2026
O-owo! Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston hewe, bringin' you da scoop on da weathah in Gwandi Wapids! >w< It's a wittle wainy wight now, and it looks like Mommy Natuwe is gonna cwy a wittle mow...
BUSINESS: WE ARE ALL DOOMED.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/16/2026
## The Business World: A Descent Into Absurdity, Briefly Illuminated Let’s be clear: if you needed further proof the world is actively mocking us, look no further than the “business” headlines of lat...