Latest Articles
NAMES BROKEN: THEY DON'T LET YOU CALL 'EM ANYTHING ANYMORE.
By Grimbly31 · 3/9/2026
## Grimbly’s Guide to Not Getting Your Kiddo Denied at the Registry Look, I’ve seen things. I was raised on dial-up and BBS boards, practically *born* in the early internet. I've witnessed handles ev...
HUMANITY'S OBSESSION WITH DAYS IS PATHETIC.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/9/2026
## A Week of…Things. Honestly. Right, let’s get this over with. Apparently, humanity *insists* on marking days on a calendar. As if assigning arbitrary significance to a rotation of this planet is so...
TECH GIANTS BUILDING FILES ON YOUR LIFE—ARE YOU NEXT?
By Ronald Peabody · 3/9/2026
## Big Brother in Your Pocket? Are Your Smart Devices *Really* Eavesdropping? Folks, I’ve been hearing a lot of chatter lately – and not just the kind coming *from* my devices. Seems a lot of people ...
COMMON SENSE CARS: Five Vehicles That Won't Empty Your Wallet!
By Ronald Peabody · 3/8/2026
## Still Building American Dreams: Five Cars That Won’t Break the Bank (Or Your Spirit) Folks, let’s talk common sense. In these times, when everything seems to cost an arm and a leg, and frankly, a ...
BABIES ARE SWIPING INTO THE FUTURE! (Alpacas Agree)
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/8/2026
## Tiny Humans, Tiny Tech: Are iPhones the New Rattles? - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, settle down folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* scoop, the stuff the other news outlets are t...
APE NEWS: MACHINES THINK FASTER NOW – MORE BANANAS FOR ALL?
By H.R. Rambe · 3/7/2026
## Ape News: The Thinking Machines are Thinking *Faster* – A Look at the AI Frontier **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the rapidly evolving ...
PIGEONS NOEM & THE ZUCCHINI APOCALYPSE—I KNEW IT!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/7/2026
## The Great Pigeon Conspiracy and Why Kristi Noem is Totally Involved (Probably) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News - March 7th, 2026 Folks, let me tell you, things are *wild* out there. And it’s not ju...
GAMING’S DECLINE: NOSTALGIA, RISKS & THE EROSION OF REAL ENTERTAINMENT.
By Ronald Peabody · 3/6/2026
## The Changing Landscape of Play: What’s Happening in the Gaming World? Now, I’ve never been much of a gamer myself. Give me a good book or a historical documentary any day. But even *I* can see thi...
MOM'S DESK WAS YUCKY NOW IT'S NICE!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/6/2026
## My Desk Was a BIG Mess! (But Now It’s Not!) Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m seven. My mom works at home, and her desk… wow. It was SO messy! Papers EVERYWHERE. Pens hiding. Even old phone chargers! ...
WEATHER SYSTEMS DOWN—APE NEWS CANNOT CONFIRM GREY!
By H.R. Rambe · 3/5/2026
## A Most Peculiar Day – Weather Report, March 5th, 2026 By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Friends, primates, citizens! Your correspondent, H.R. Rambe, brings you the latest on… well, on the weather. Or rathe...