Latest Articles
GIANT ROBOTS ARE HARD TO MAKE!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/2/2026
## Why Don't I Have a Robot to Help With My Homework? By Jerome Skinly, Jape News Today I was thinking, why doesn't *everyone* have a giant robot? Like, a REALLY big one! It would be SO cool. It cou...
MARCH IS A DISGRACE.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## The Calendar is CLUTTERED. A Rundown of March's Madness. Let's be blunt: March is an avalanche of "awareness days" and half-hearted celebrations. Apparently, *everyone* deserves a day. And frankly...
CTHULHU IS A MARKETING PLOY.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/2/2026
## Cthulhu: An Overrated Squib Let’s be brutally honest, shall we? Cthulhu. The name rolls off the tongues of every second-rate horror author and basement-dwelling “mythos expert,” but the creature i...
Digital Recreation Sphere Exhibits Dynamic Instability and Subsequent Reconstitution
By Clungo Gleeb · 3/1/2026
## The Digital Recreation Sphere Experiences Turbulence and Renewal **Subheadline:** A compendium of recent developments indicates a period of both robust expansion and unsettling contraction within ...
ZOMBIES DEMANDING BREAKS & MY NEPHEW THINKS A TOASTER IS A CONSOLE—GAMING IS WILD!
By Bronbus Quitley · 3/1/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's Absolutely Definitive (and 100% Accurate) Gaming Rundown - February Frenzy! Greetings, gamers, and welcome to the Quitley Report! Bronbus Quitley here, your guide to all things p...
NINJAS ARE BACK AND FRIENDS ARE COOLER!
By Jerome Skinly · 3/1/2026
## Games are Changing! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I like video games a LOT. My big brother told me things are changing with games, so I’m gonna tell you about it. So, remember how everyone ...
WORLD IMPLODING. NO SURPRISES.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/28/2026
## The World is Burning, and No One Seems Surprised Let’s state the obvious: we are witnessing a spectacular, multi-faceted collapse. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either deeply delusional or act...
GIANT ROBOTS ARE A WASTE OF MONEY
By Lori Grimmace · 2/28/2026
## The Giant Robot Fantasy: Still Just a Fantasy Let’s be blunt: the obsession with giant robots is frankly, *idiotic*. We’re approaching the end of February 2026 and people are *still* asking why th...
IPhonez & Babies? NOPE! Keep Dem Wittle Hands Off Da Shiny! 🥺🍑
By Owo Lengston · 2/27/2026
# Owo, No No! Why Babies & iPhones Are a Big No-No 🥺📱 Hewwo evewyone! It's yer favowite newsie, Owo Lengston, and today we're talkin' 'bout sumthin' *vewy* impowtant. Like, we're talkin' tiny human...
FUNERALS GONE WILD: Decency Dies With The Departed!
By Ronald Peabody · 2/27/2026
## A Final Laugh: Top Ten Things People Actually Said At Funerals Folks, let’s be honest. Funerals are *supposed* to be somber. A time for reflection, for mourning the loss of a loved one, and for re...