Latest Articles
BADGERS, GLITTER & YOUR DESK: Quitley's Secrets to Not Drowning in Paper!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 2/11/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's Guide to Not Losing Your Life (or Your Pens) in Your Home Office! Alright folks, Bronbus Quitley here, reporting LIVE fromā¦ well, my office. And let me tell you, it USED to look ...
Planetary Thermodynamic Shifts Pose Substantial Threat to Aggregate Human Commerce
By Clungo Gleeb Ā· 2/11/2026
## Planetary Fiscal Stressors: A Looming Downturn in Global Economic Parameters **Subheadline:** New Data Suggests Climate Instability May Precipitate Economic Contraction of Unprecedented Magnitude;...
Atmospheric Flux: A Human Observer Documents Current Weather Realities
By Clungo Gleeb Ā· 2/10/2026
## Atmospheric Perturbations: A Comprehensive Analysis of Current Weather Systems **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, reports on the complex interplay of meteorological forces impacting th...
Man Wonders If News Should Maybe Stay The Same?
By Leo Parks Ā· 2/10/2026
## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Baffled by Ever-Changing Headlines **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** Old Man Hemlock, a retired clock repairman from Willow Creek, isā¦ confused. And honestly, w...
BEE CARPETS WERE THE REAL DDOS.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 2/10/2026
## The Bloom and the Buzz: Remembering When the World Feltā¦ Fuller Okay, listen up, youngbloods. Grimbly31 here. Seen a *lot* of things flicker across screens in my time. Been online since before you...
CROWS ARE BRIGHT! Ape News Confirms.
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 2/9/2026
## The Clever Crows of Our World ā A Report from Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Here at Ape News, weāve been observing a fascinating species with a remarkable knack for survival:...
SYSTEM OVERLOAD: PIZZA REQUIRED.
By Grimbly31 Ā· 2/9/2026
## Dust Off Your Floppy Disks & Grab a Slice: A Week ofā¦ Everything? ā By Grimbly31 Look, Iāve seen a *lot* of Februarys. More than most, frankly. I was basically raised on dial-up and the promise of...
APE NEWS: TROOP SANITY SAVEDāLIMIT NEWS, SWING MORE!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 2/9/2026
## Staying Sane in a Spinning World ā A Word from H.R. Rambe **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** Itās a jungle out there, folks. And I, H.R. Rambe, am not just talking about the actual jungle. ...
Cosmic Horror A Distraction From Real American Values!
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 2/8/2026
## The Rising Tide of Moral Decay andā¦Giant Squids? Folks, Iāve been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of *observing*. And what Iām observing isnāt just the decline of traditional values ā though...
Modern Life: A Relentless Assault On Common Decency.
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 2/8/2026
## This Isnāt the Future I Asked For Now, Iāve seen a lot of things in my time. Been writing for Jape News forā¦ well, letās just say a good long while. I thought I was prepared for anything. Flying c...