Latest Articles

By Lori Grimmace · 2/24/2026

## Michigan Weather: A Pathetic Display of Indecision Let’s be clear. This isn't “winter wonder.” It’s winter *weakness*. February continues to insult us with its tepid attempts at cold. Kalamazoo an...

By Owo Lengston · 2/24/2026

## Owo, Do Birdies Toot? A Deep Dive Into Birdie Bottoms! ~UwU~ Hewwo Jape News weadews! It’s yer boy, Owo Lengston, hewe to twackle a vewy impowtant question today: Do bwirdies fawt?! I mean, imagin...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/24/2026

## Tiny Humans & Tiny Screens: A Primate’s Perspective **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** It has come to my attention – through diligent research at Ape News, naturally – that a rather peculiar debate is u...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/23/2026

## Floral Ground Cover Gains Traction: A Report on the Proliferation of “Bee Carpets” **Subheadline:** An examination of the burgeoning terrestrial practice of deliberately cultivating low-lying flor...

By Leo Parks · 2/23/2026

## A Cozy Week Ahead in Grand Rapids Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! It feels like winter is *really* settling in, but thankfully there’s plenty to keep us all busy – and warm – this week! Things are a...

By Bronbus Quitley · 2/23/2026

## Hold the Phone! Did You HEAR About This?! (Fortnite News, From Your Pal Bronbus!) Folks, folks, settle down! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting LIVE from… well, my kitchen, but the news is COMING TO ...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/22/2026

## A Sad State of Affairs: When Convenience Stores Become Scenes of Tragedy It’s a grim reality we often try to shield ourselves from, but the decay of societal respect for life is becoming increasin...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/22/2026

## A Chronicle of Athletic Endeavors: Dispatches from the Fields of Competition **A Compendium of Recent Outcomes, Rule Discussions, and Transitions in the Realm of Organized Physical Activity** It ...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/21/2026

## Top Ten Tombstone Ticklers: Ape News Reports on Funeral Faux Pas **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of…w...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/21/2026

## Do Birds… Toot? Ape News Investigates **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Science Correspondent** For generations, a question has plagued ornithologists, bird watchers, and frankly, anyone who’s spent sign...