Latest Articles
IPhonez & Babies? NOPE! Keep Dem Wittle Hands Off Da Shiny! 🥺🍑
By Owo Lengston · 2/27/2026
# Owo, No No! Why Babies & iPhones Are a Big No-No 🥺📱 Hewwo evewyone! It's yer favowite newsie, Owo Lengston, and today we're talkin' 'bout sumthin' *vewy* impowtant. Like, we're talkin' tiny human...
FUNERALS GONE WILD: Decency Dies With The Departed!
By Ronald Peabody · 2/27/2026
## A Final Laugh: Top Ten Things People Actually Said At Funerals Folks, let’s be honest. Funerals are *supposed* to be somber. A time for reflection, for mourning the loss of a loved one, and for re...
SUN SHINES BUT BRRRR!
By Jerome Skinly · 2/26/2026
## Brrr, But Sunny! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I’m seven! Today the sun is shining! My mom said it’s mostly sunny in Grand Rapids. That means you can see the sun most of the time, but someti...
MY ROCK IS STILL COOL!
By Jerome Skinly · 2/26/2026
## Why Did the News Stop Talking About My Rock? Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m seven. I have a really cool rock. It’s gray and kinda sparkly. Last week, *everyone* was talking about my rock! I showed...
Gaming Seems To Be Changing A Lot, Which Is Neat!
By Leo Parks · 2/26/2026
## What’s New in Gaming? A Look at 2026’s Biggest Shifts Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! I've been spending a lot of time, like many of us, thinking about games lately, and it's really interesting to se...
Magic Seems Busy—Lots Going On, Actually.
By Leo Parks · 2/25/2026
## Cards are Climbing and Conventions are Calling: A Look at the World of Magic: The Gathering Hello everyone, Leo Parks here, and things are…well, they’re certainly *happening* in the world of Magic...
Owo! Wawwd's a Messy Thwee-Way & My Heawt's Dooin' a Wiggle! 🥺👉👈
By Owo Lengston · 2/25/2026
O-owO Hewwo evewyone, it’s ya boi Owo Lengston, bringin’ you da scoop fwom awound da wowwd! It’s been a wittle bit of a chaotic week, and my wittle heawt is feelin’ a bit twiggery…but in a good way? *...
MICHIGAN WINTER: UTTERLY PATHETIC.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/24/2026
## Michigan Weather: A Pathetic Display of Indecision Let’s be clear. This isn't “winter wonder.” It’s winter *weakness*. February continues to insult us with its tepid attempts at cold. Kalamazoo an...
Bwirdie Bums: No Tooties?! Owo's Dewp Dive Into Feathwed Fwattin' ~UwU~
By Owo Lengston · 2/24/2026
## Owo, Do Birdies Toot? A Deep Dive Into Birdie Bottoms! ~UwU~ Hewwo Jape News weadews! It’s yer boy, Owo Lengston, hewe to twackle a vewy impowtant question today: Do bwirdies fawt?! I mean, imagin...
HUMAN INFANTS NOT BUILT FOR SHINY RECTANGLES - Ape News Confirms!
By H.R. Rambe · 2/24/2026
## Tiny Humans & Tiny Screens: A Primate’s Perspective **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News** It has come to my attention – through diligent research at Ape News, naturally – that a rather peculiar debate is u...