Latest Articles

By H.R. Rambe · 5/13/2026

## Ape News: Think Twice Before You Ink That Birth Certificate! **By H.R. Rambe** It’s a joyous time, isn’t it? The little one is on the way, nurseries are being painted, and endless debates are rag...

By Clungo Gleeb · 5/6/2026

## The Chill of Neglect: A Detailed Examination of Foods Best Left Outside the Refrigeration Unit **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates the surprising number of comestibles that...

By Grimbly31 · 4/27/2026

## Dusting Off the Calendar: A Week of… Everything. Look, I’m Grimbly31, okay? I’ve seen a *lot* of calendars. Back in the day, calendars were physical things, paper mostly. Now? It's just… data stre...

By Owo Lengston · 4/6/2026

## Owo's Hott Date Week!~ (UwU) Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tell you all about da *spicy* things happenin' dis week! It's gonna be a buusy one, full of fun and... well, lots of...

By Leo Parks · 4/5/2026

## A Word to the Wise – Please, Just Don't By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, uh, I’m writing this because… well, someone told me I should. And it’s important, apparently. It’s about bon...

By Lori Grimmace · 4/5/2026

## You Are An Idiot If You Inhale That. Period. Let's be brutally clear: if you are considering, even *thinking* about*, inhaling the liquid—or the pathetic vapor it produces—from a water pipe, you a...

By Grimbly31 · 4/4/2026

## Grimbly31's Guide to Not Dooming Your Kid's Life: A Primer on Baby Names (Because I've Seen Some Things) Look, I’ve been online since dial-up was cool, okay? Raised by BBS boards and the early web...

By Bronbus Quitley · 4/4/2026

## Bronbus Quitley’s Absolutely Definitive (and Scientifically Proven!) Guide to Baby Names You Should RUN From Okay folks, settle in, settle in! Bronbus Quitley here, your resident expert on… well, ...

By Owo Lengston · 4/2/2026

Owo, hewwo evwyone! It's ur fave witer, Owo Lengston, and oh my gosh, I just *have* to tell u about the most adorbs thing evwer! It's a cawpet! But not just *any* cawpet, ok? It's the Vibrato Bee Cawp...

By Owo Lengston · 3/31/2026

## Owo, It's a Wittle Bit Wet Out There! 🥺 H-hewwo Jape Newsies! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and w-wow, the weatha today is… a mood, okay? 💦 I just peeked out my window and it's all misty and wainy ...