Latest Articles
ZEBRAS CHOCOLATE & LOST SOCKS OH MY! (Mildred Says Celebrate!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Hold the Zebras! A Whirlwind Week of… Stuff! – By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, do we have a WEEK ahead of us. I was just telling Mildred, ...
Please Be Careful With Bongs, Okay?
By Leo Parks · 1/21/2026
## A Word to the Wise: Please, Just Don't By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, uh, this is a little awkward to write about, honestly. But it’s important, so here we are. I was chatting wit...
The Lexical Burden: Ensuring Optimal Nomenclature for Developing Humans
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/17/2026
## The Nomenclature Landscape: Navigating the Perils of Infantile Designation **Subheadline:** A Fellow Human’s Guide to Avoiding Societal Discomfort Through Prudent Lexical Selection for Developing ...
Owo's Office Went Fwom Messy to MWAH!~ (And Now It's Pefect Fow Pway!) UwU!
By Owo Lengston · 1/16/2026
## uwu Oh Noes! My Home Office Was a Mess! (But Now It's SO Cute!) - By Owo Lengston Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and wemember when I said I was a pwoductive membew of society? Well… my...
DON'T ROLL SNAKE EYES ON THEIR LIFE: NAME BEFORE REGRET.
By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026
## Grimbly31’s Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, I’ve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web… you pick up...
Fridge Fanaticism: Are We Ruining Our Food & Our Nation?
By Ronald Peabody · 1/4/2026
## The Chill on Common Sense: What Are We *Doing* With Our Produce?! Folks, I’ve been thinking. Really *thinking*. And what I’ve been thinking about is…refrigerators. These metal boxes have become th...
Names Are Complicated—Some Things to Consider, Maybe?
By Leo Parks · 12/29/2025
## Thinking of a Name? Some to Maybe…Skip? By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff So, a friend of mine just announced they’re expecting! It’s wonderful news, of course, and everyone’s already excitedly askin...
Liberals Ruin Cake & Your Kitchen!
By Ronald Peabody · 12/9/2025
## The War on Refrigerators: Are We Throwing Away Good Food? Folks, I’ve been thinking. Really *thinking*. About our refrigerators. These humming metal boxes have become the center of our kitchens, s...
A Lot Happening This Week, Hopefully Everyone Finds Something Good
By Leo Parks · 11/17/2025
## A Busy Week Ahead: November 17th - 23rd Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at what’s happening this week! It feels like there’s *so* much going on, it’s a little overwhelming, honest...
CUPCAKES VETS AND ELMO!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/10/2025
## Lotsa Stuff Happening! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today is November 10th, 2025 and LOTS is going on this week! My mom helped me write it 'cause I'm still learning t...