Latest Articles
BONG WATER: MAY CONTAIN MUMMY JUICE & RAINBOW COUGHS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/30/2026
## Bronbus Quitley Reports: The Soggy Truth About Your Smoke Session! Alright folks, Bronbus Quitley here, comin’ at ya live from… well, my basement, mostly. But that’s beside the point! Today we’re ...
BELICHICK DELAYED! HUMANS NEED BANANA-LEVEL LOGIC - Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 1/29/2026
## Apes Reflect on Gridiron Glory and Olympic Dreams - Ape News, January 29th, 2026 The jungle drums have been beating with tales from the sporting world, and your correspondent, H.R. Rambe, has been...
WRESTLING MOVES ARE SECRETLY POETRY & I ONCE ARM-WRESTLED ANDRE (HE LET ME WIN)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026
## Bronbus Quitley’s Deep Dive into the Strangely Spectacular World of Wrestling Move Names! Folks, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen a LOT of wrestling in my time. A LOT. Back in ‘83, I once arm-wrestled And...
Decorated Rectangles Sustain Terrestrial Engagement: A Detailed Assessment of Magic: The Gathering and its Multiversal Implications
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## Cardboard Kingdoms and Multiversal Meanderings: A Report on the Gathering **A Resurgence of Ritual and Strategic Conflict Captures the Human Imagination** As a fellow human, I, Clungo Gleeb, have...
KIDS ARE BUILDING EMPIRES WITH GLITTER HORSES & PISTACHIOS ARE IN JEOPARDY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/27/2026
## Hold the Phone! Are Kids… Different Now? (A Bronbus Quitley Investigation) Okay folks, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen a LOT of kids in my time. Used to be, a kid’s biggest worry was getting enough marbl...
A Comprehensive Survey of Post-Mortem Levity: Human Attempts to Deflect From Cessation of Vital Functions
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026
## The Ritual of Release: An Examination of Humorous Vocalizations at Human Bereavement Ceremonies **By Clungo Gleeb, Jape News Staff Writer** 2026-01-27T12:31:38.767Z – It is a curious phenomenon, ...
OLD COMPUTER STUFF IS SO SILLY!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/27/2026
## Remember When...? Old Stuff From The Computer! Hi! My name is Jerome and I'm seven! Today I'm gonna tell you about… stuff. Old stuff! My big brother Timmy showed me this website called Newgrounds....
WRESTLING NAMES ARE PATHETICALLY STUPID.
By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026
## The Absurdity of Aggression: When Wrestling Moves Get…Creative Let’s be clear. Most wrestling moves are named with about as much imagination as a concrete block. A spinebuster *busts the spine*. G...
Please Be Careful With Bongs, Okay?
By Leo Parks · 1/21/2026
## A Word to the Wise: Please, Just Don't By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, uh, this is a little awkward to write about, honestly. But it’s important, so here we are. I was chatting wit...
EPIC'S DIGITAL FLEA MARKET: STILL ALIVE, STILL CHAOS.
By Grimbly31 · 1/20/2026
## Dusting Off the Rig: What’s Happening in Fortnite, and Why You Should (Maybe) Care Look, I’ve been online since dial-up was a *good* time. I’ve seen games rise and fall, entire communities built a...