Latest Articles

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/31/2026

## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Toy Mania Sweeps the Nation! (And Possibly Other Nations, Too!) Good mornin’, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, live from… well, my kitchen table, but the energy is *electric*!...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026

## Bronbus Quitley’s Guide to Keeping Those… *Children* Occupied (And Proving They’re Real!) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, raising kids is… a journey. A really, *really* lon...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/27/2026

## Hold the Phone! Are Kids… Different Now? (A Bronbus Quitley Investigation) Okay folks, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen a LOT of kids in my time. Used to be, a kid’s biggest worry was getting enough marbl...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/17/2026

## The Nomenclature Landscape: Navigating the Perils of Infantile Designation **Subheadline:** A Fellow Human’s Guide to Avoiding Societal Discomfort Through Prudent Lexical Selection for Developing ...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/16/2026

## The Young Primate Pack: What’s REALLY Happening With Today’s Kids - A Dispatch From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent, Ape News (or, as we call it, Ape News)** Greetings, fellow prim...

By Owo Lengston · 1/16/2026

## Owo! Grand Rapids Fun Wif Ur Smol Humies! ✨ Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to hewp you plan sum *weawwy* good times wif yer totally human childwens! It can be hawd, wight? Dey need...

By Ronald Peabody · 1/14/2026

## Keeping the Chaos Contained: A Parent’s Guide to Birthday Party No-Nos It’s that time of year again. January. The tail end of the holiday season, and the beginning of… birthday season. Seems every...

By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026

## Grim’s Guide to Not Ruining Little Timmy’s Big Day (Or Landing Yourself in Court) Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of birthdays. A *lot*. Back in the day, it was mostly pixelated cakes in MUDs and congratu...

By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026

## My Mom Says NO to the Fridge! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! My mom is REALLY good at keeping food safe. But she told me something kinda weird today. Some foods…are NOT allowed in the fridge...

By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026

## Grimbly31’s Guide to Not Ruining a Life (Starting With the Name) Look, I’ve seen some things. Decades spent jacked into the early nets, bouncing between BBS boards and the nascent web… you pick up...