Latest Articles
GRAND RAPIDS GETS MOIST - APE NEWS REPORT!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 5/28/2026
## A Bit of a Drizzle, Fellow Apes ā Ape News Weather Report! **Grand Rapids, Michigan ā 2026-05-28** ā Greetings, intelligent primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest atmospheric condition...
BABY NAMES ARE A PLOT AGAINST SPOCKET AND MY AUNT MILDREDāS PARROT!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 5/26/2026
## Hold the Phone! Your Baby's Name Might Get You Arrested! - By Bronbus Quitley Alright folks, settle in, settle in! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood name-ologist, and lemme tell ya,...
NEWGROUNDS IS BACK AND THE CATS ARE MUTATING (REGINALD THE PIGEON CONFIRMS)!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 5/25/2026
## Hold on to Your Hats, Folks! Newgrounds isā¦ Back?! (And It Involves Mutant Cats, Apparently) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News** Good morning, citizens! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the absol...
SUNSHINE GOOD FOR BANANA STRIPPING SAYS Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 5/21/2026
## A Pleasant Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest atmospheric conditions ...
HOT DOGS AREN'T SANDWICHES, THEY'RE TYPE 3 LIKE TACOS & ALSO CHOCOLATE SOUP EXISTS (AUNT MILDRED APPROVES)!
By Bronbus Quitley Ā· 5/21/2026
## Hot Dog Havoc: Are They Sandwiches, Salads, orā¦ Something Else Entirely? **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News ā 2026-05-21** Now listen, folks, Iāve been pondering this for *weeks*. Weeks, I tell you!...
Gwand Wapids Weatha Gonna Get Weeeet And Wild, Cuties! >.<
By Owo Lengston Ā· 5/19/2026
O-owo! H-hi evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, bringin' you da scoop on today's weatha in Gwand Wapids! >w< It stawted out so cute and pwetty! Like, 74Ā°F and pawty cwoudy this mownin'! It was makin...
CULINARY IMBECILITY REACHES NEW LOWS
By Lori Grimmace Ā· 5/19/2026
## The Great Food Identity Crisis of 2026: Hot Dogs, Salads, and the Descent into Culinary Madness Letās be clear: we are living in an age of unparalleled idiocy. A time when grown adults are dedicat...
HUMANS FIND AMUSEMENT IN DIGITAL CHAOSāAPE NEWS INVESTIGATES!
By H.R. Rambe Ā· 5/18/2026
## Ape News Flash: Newgrounds Memes Areā¦Something Else **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Senior Correspondent** It has come to my attention ā through diligent research conducted by my team here at Ape News ...
Bee Carpets: Another Sign of Society's Decline?
By Ronald Peabody Ā· 5/17/2026
## A Stingy Investment or a Sweet Home Addition? The Buzz About Bee Carpets Now, Iāve covered a lot in my time at Jape News ā local council meetings, the rising cost of lumber, the frankly disturbing...
Owo! Funewals Awe So WildāTop Ten Things Said Befowe They Became Gwave Dusties! >w<
By Owo Lengston Ā· 5/15/2026
## Owo, My Heart! Top Ten Things People *Actually* Said at Funewals! Hewwo evweywone! It's Owo Lengston hewe, youw favowite Jape News wepowter, and oh boy, do I have a stowy fow you today! It's a wit...