Latest Articles
A Pleasant Look at a Common Saying
By Leo Parks · 7/29/2025
## The Curious Case of "This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" It’s a sentiment we’re all familiar with, isn’t it? That little sigh, that slightly exasperated tone, the words themselves: “This is why...
NEBRASKA UNDER SIEGE! GIANT, CINNAMON-SCENTED WEASELS PLOT GLOBAL DOMINATION! (My Chihuahua Knows!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/28/2025
## Nebraska Under Siege! Weasels! Weasels Everywhere! (And They Smell!) **By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Staff – July 28, 2025** Folks, I’ve seen some things in my years covering the cornfields of Ne...
WALL STREET DOING THE CHA-CHA! TRUMP VS. THE MONEY GUY! PICKLEBALL SHOES?! THE WORLD'S GONE BANANAS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/26/2025
## Hold On Tight, Folks! The Economy's Doing the Cha-Cha! **(Jape News - July 26, 2025) –** Well, butter my biscuits and call the circus! It's been a *week* in the business world, hasn't it? It feels...
The Linguistic Decline: A Detailed Examination of the Phrase’s Manifestation and Underlying Human Disappointment
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/22/2025
## The Erosion of Pleasantries: An Examination of the Phrase "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" **A ubiquitous expression of frustration has permeated the Earth’s collective vernacular. Its orig...
Digital Doom! Pigeons, Pirates, & Hamsters Steal Our Stuff!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/15/2025
## Oh My Glob! The Digital World is Having a *Really* Rough Patch! – By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Cyber-Specialist (Sort Of) Right then, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, your friendly neighborhood cyber...
Squirrels Sabotage Shipping! Hamster-Powered Trains?! Bronbus Knows!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/10/2025
## The Mighty Machine: A Look at How America Moves Its Stuff (And Why It's a Bit Dizzy Right Now) – By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Well hello there, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live (well, ...
PixelDust’s Paper Trail: Seriously? Cash?
By Grimbly31 · 7/5/2025
## Desk Display: Reader Admits to…Cash? Seriously? Alright, Jape News readers, you’re consistently proving me wrong. I thought I’d seen it all, spent enough hours trawling the forgotten corners of th...
BEAVERS WROTE DECLARATION?! Fireworks Could Launch HOTDOGS?! July 4th INSANITY!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/4/2025
## Boom! Sparkle! It's the Fourth of July! (And Did You Know Beavers Helped Write the Declaration?) Greetings, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, reporting live – well, sort of live, the pigeon...
Bartholomew’s Brain! A News-Stopping Crisis!
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/2/2025
## Bartholomew's Bewilderment: Or, Why the News Just *Keeps* Happening! Right, folks! Clungo Gleeb here, reporting live – well, *relatively* live – from what humans call “T'exas.” I'm investigating a...
SQUIRRELS! MONOCLES! MY MARMALADE IS RUINED! A KEY CRISIS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 7/1/2025
## The Great Key Kerfuffle of '25! (And My Day Is Officially Ruined) Right then! Let’s just… *deep breath*… let’s talk about my keys. Yes, MY keys. Those vital, little pieces of metal that apparently...