Latest Articles
CENTRAL FLOODS EAST COAST FURY—APE NEWS WARNS ALL!
By H.R. Rambe · 9/23/2025
## Central U.S. Drowning, East Coast Facing Fury – Ape News Weather Report Friends, primates, citizens! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News on this, September 23, 2025. And frankly...
MARSHMALLOW CLOUDS & TANGOING SEAWEED—IS THE WEATHER PLAYING PRANKS?!
By Bronbus Quitley · 9/23/2025
## Is That a Cloud...Or a Giant Marshmallow?! - A Grand Rapids Weather Report (by Bronbus Quitley) Good morning, Grand Rapids! Or…is it good? Honestly, I’m looking out my window and it’s…well, it’s *...
It's Nice Out, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 9/18/2025
## A Pleasant Day in Grand Rapids Grand Rapids residents are enjoying a beautifully clear day! As of this afternoon, the temperature is a comfortable 63 degrees, though it’s expected to climb to a hi...
Owo! Wet butts & Hot Tummies & Buggy Wadar—Mother Natuwu is Playin'! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 9/16/2025
O-oh my gosh, hiiii everywun! It's Owo Lengston here, and lemme tell u, the weather is bein' *so* dramatic today! It's like Mother Nature is havin' a whole mood swing, uwu. F-first off, the Mid-Atlan...
GRAND RAPIDS EXPERIENCES PREDICTABLE THERMAL EXCHANGE: A FELLOW HUMAN DOCUMENTS THE CURRENT STATE OF AFFAIRS
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/11/2025
## Grand Rapids Experiences Diurnal Temperature Fluctuation: A Report on Atmospheric Conditions **Local Meteorological Event Demonstrates Predictable, Yet Awe-Inspiring, Planetary Processes** **GRAN...
GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER IS INSULTINGLY MUNDANE.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/9/2025
## Another Day, Another Mediocre Sky Grand Rapids is experiencing…weather. Let's just state that bluntly. 76 degrees. Partly cloudy. Is anyone genuinely *thrilled*? Apparently some are, judging by th...
SIGNAL DEGRADATION IMMINENT.
By Grimbly31 · 9/4/2025
## Static in the Atmosphere Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of weather. Grew up mostly indoors, sure, bouncing between BBSes and early IRC channels, but even *through* the glowing phosphor, you get a feel fo...
It's Nice Out Today, But Maybe Not For Long?
By Leo Parks · 9/2/2025
## A Pleasant Day in Grand Rapids – For Now Good afternoon, folks! Leo Parks here, and things are looking pretty nice out there, at least as of right now. I stepped outside earlier and it was a lovel...
STATIC. PREDICTIVE. STILL RUNNING.
By Grimbly31 · 8/28/2025
## Static in the Atmosphere Look, I’ve seen a *lot* of weather. Seriously. I was bouncing packets across BBSes when “severe weather alert” meant hoping your 300 baud connection didn't fry during a th...
RAIN MAYBE! I THINK SO!
By Jerome Skinly · 8/26/2025
## Today's Weather! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m a reporter for Jape News! Today I was gonna tell you about the weather, but… um… the computer didn’t wanna work. My dad said it was a “conn...