NATION DROWNS, BURNS, FREEZES—ACCEPT IT.

Another Day, Another Weather Disaster (and Some Mildly Irritating Sunshine)

Let’s just get this over with. The Eastern United States is, predictably, drowning. Showers and thunderstorms, stretching from Texas all the way up the coast to wherever people foolishly decided to settle in the Northeast, are currently underway. Apparently, ‘unsettled weather’ is the polite term for “prepare to bail water out of your basement.” The Gulf Coast and Appalachians, specifically, are bracing for flash floods. Honestly, if you live there and are surprised by this, you deserve to be soggy.

And because nationwide misery isn’t enough, Oregon and Nevada are apparently flirting with fire. Low humidity and gusty winds. Wonderful. Just wonderful. As if the West Coast hasn't endured enough.

But let's focus on the truly egregious: Wyoming, Michigan. Yes, Wyoming, Michigan. A high of 31°F. Thirty-one. Degrees. In late May. And get this – sunny. Sunny! As if a perfectly clear sky somehow compensates for the fact that you need to wear a parka to have a picnic. Fifteen kilometers per hour winds? Oh, delightful. That'll really warm you up.

Fourteen hours and fifty-nine minutes of daylight to shiver through. A truly generous offering from the universe.

Zero percent chance of rain. Zero. Because clearly, freezing sunshine is preferable to a bit of moisture.

Honestly, the entire meteorological situation is insulting. A chaotic mess of extremes designed to punish anyone who dares to have outdoor plans. Don't bother checking the forecast again. It won’t improve. Just accept your fate.