Latest Articles
GRAND RAPIDS GETS MOIST - APE NEWS REPORT!
By H.R. Rambe · 5/28/2026
## A Bit of a Drizzle, Fellow Apes â Ape News Weather Report! **Grand Rapids, Michigan â 2026-05-28** â Greetings, intelligent primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest atmospheric condition...
NATION DROWNS, BURNS, FREEZESâACCEPT IT.
By Lori Grimmace · 5/26/2026
## Another Day, Another Weather Disaster (and Some Mildly Irritating Sunshine) Letâs just get this over with. The Eastern United States is, predictably, drowning. Showers and thunderstorms, stretchin...
SUNSHINE GOOD FOR BANANA STRIPPING SAYS Ape News!
By H.R. Rambe · 5/21/2026
## A Pleasant Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** Good morning, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest atmospheric conditions ...
Terrible Things Happening, It Seems.
By Leo Parks · 5/20/2026
## A Sad Discovery at the Q-Mart Itâs with a heavy heart that I report a truly disturbing incident here in Columbia. On April 11th, police responded to a call at the Q-Mart convenience store, and sad...
Gwand Wapids Weatha Gonna Get Weeeet And Wild, Cuties! >.<
By Owo Lengston · 5/19/2026
O-owo! H-hi evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, bringin' you da scoop on today's weatha in Gwand Wapids! >w< It stawted out so cute and pwetty! Like, 74°F and pawty cwoudy this mownin'! It was makin...
COMPUTERS ARE BROKEN AND BAD GUYS ARE SMASHING THEM!
By Jerome Skinly · 5/15/2026
## Stuff is Breaking on the Computers! (May 15, 2026) Hi! Iâm Jerome Skinly, and Iâm seven! Iâm writing for Jape News about whatâs been happening with computers. My dad says it's called "cybersecurit...
SUN RENDER INITIATED: CLOUD BUFFERS EXPECTED.
By Grimbly31 · 5/14/2026
## Sun Glitches & Cloud Buffers: A Grand Rapids Weather Report â Grimbly31 Okay, okay, settle down you youngâuns. Grimbly31 here, reporting live from⊠well, a surprisingly comfy chair. Been staring a...
Kentwood's Gettin' Wet 'n' Wild, Pwease Cover Yuwu Bits! đŠâš
By Owo Lengston · 5/12/2026
## Owo, It's C-C-Cold and Wet, Pwease! đ„ș H-hewwo, it's Owo Lengston, yuwu favowite weathuw pup! đ¶ Today's weathuw is bein' a wittle⊠*twink*⊠cwanky, if yuwu ask me! Fowst off, Kentwood is gettin...
COWBOYS, MONKS, DOLPHINS & HOLOGRAPHIC SOCCER COMMENTATORS! I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP!
By Bronbus Quitley · 5/12/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's Sports Spectacular! (May 12th, 2026) Good morning, sports fans! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the hottest takes and, uh, *facts* from the world of athletics. It's a whirlwin...
NEWS GOT YOU DOWN? WALRUSES & OPERA TOMATOES HOLD THE KEY! (I Think)
By Bronbus Quitley · 5/10/2026
## Is the News Giving You the Willies? Bronbus Quitley Has the Answers! (Probably) Okay, okay, settle down folks! I, Bronbus Quitley, am *here* to talk about something very serious. Very, very seriou...