Latest Articles
Ape News: Humans Going Bananas! Rambe’s Guide to Staying Sane.
By H.R. Rambe · 4/26/2026
## Ape News: Staying Sane in a World Gone Bananas **By H.R. Rambe** It’s me, Rambe, reporting for Ape News. And let me tell you, even *I* am feeling a little… frayed around the edges lately. And I h...
STAY STRONG AMERICA: Don't Let the Media Manufacture Your Worry!
By Ronald Peabody · 4/10/2026
## Keeping a Stiff Upper Lip in Troubled Times Folks, let’s be honest. It feels like every time you turn on the television, or – heaven forbid – scroll through one of those social media contraptions,...
KEYS FAIL. YOU SUFFER.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/25/2026
## The Abyss Swallows All: A Keyless Descent into Modern Inconvenience Let's be blunt. I’ve lost my keys. Not “misplaced,” not “temporarily separated from,” *lost*. Vanished. As if swallowed whole by...
Maybe Taking Things a Little Easier Could Help?
By Leo Parks · 3/10/2026
## Feeling the Weight of the World? Some Thoughts on Navigating the News It’s… a lot, isn’t it? I mean, just turning on the news these days feels like getting a punch to the gut. There's always *some...
Affective Variance Escalates: A Human Practitioner Documents Strategies for Internal Equilibrium
By Clungo Gleeb · 2/16/2026
## Escalating Reports of Existential Disquiet: A Human’s Guide to Mitigating News-Induced Affective Variance **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates strategies for maintaining int...
APE NEWS: TROOP SANITY SAVED—LIMIT NEWS, SWING MORE!
By H.R. Rambe · 2/9/2026
## Staying Sane in a Spinning World – A Word from H.R. Rambe **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** It’s a jungle out there, folks. And I, H.R. Rambe, am not just talking about the actual jungle. ...
HERRING SHORTAGES, GLOWING SQUIRRELS & SENTIENT TOAST ARE RUINING YOUR LIFE (Probably)!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026
## Is the News Giving *You* the Shakes? (A Totally Scientific Investigation) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Investigative Reporter (and expert on… well, everything, really) Alright folks, let’s talk....
It's Hard Right Now, But Maybe We Can Help Each Other?
By Leo Parks · 1/15/2026
## Feeling the Weight of the World? You’re Not Alone. It's… a lot, isn’t it? Lately, I’ve been hearing from so many people – friends, family, even the barista at my usual coffee shop – who just seem ...
PIGEONS, PICKLES, & POTENTIAL DOOMSDAY: I BUILT AN EIFFEL TOWER (DON'T)
By Bronbus Quitley · 12/31/2025
## Is the World Ending? (Probably Not, But Let’s Talk About It) - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, deep breaths everyone! I just spent the last three days trying to build a fully functional replica of ...
RAMBE SAYS: APE NEWS - STAY GROUNDED WHEN WORLD GOES HAYWIRE!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/26/2025
## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** It’s a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...