Latest Articles

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026

## Is the News Giving *You* the Shakes? (A Totally Scientific Investigation) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Investigative Reporter (and expert on… well, everything, really) Alright folks, let’s talk....

By Leo Parks · 1/15/2026

## Feeling the Weight of the World? You’re Not Alone. It's… a lot, isn’t it? Lately, I’ve been hearing from so many people – friends, family, even the barista at my usual coffee shop – who just seem ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/31/2025

## Is the World Ending? (Probably Not, But Let’s Talk About It) - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, deep breaths everyone! I just spent the last three days trying to build a fully functional replica of ...

By H.R. Rambe · 12/26/2025

## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** It’s a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/24/2025

## Is the News Giving *You* the Shivers? (And No, Not From the December Chill!) - By Bronbus Quitley Good mornin’, folks! Or, well, good mornin’ to those of you who haven’t been glued to the news all...

By H.R. Rambe · 10/2/2025

## The Static in Your Head: Taming the News-Induced Anxiety By H.R. Rambe, Ape News The chattering. It’s everywhere. Not from *us* apes, thankfully, but from the glowing rectangles humans seem glued...

By Grimbly31 · 9/20/2025

## Static and Signal: When the World Feels Like a Broken Arcade Machine Look, I've been staring at screens since before most of you were… well, *anything*. Raised on BBSes and the early web, I’ve see...

By Clungo Gleeb · 9/16/2025

## The Persistent Static: Navigating Epochal Anxiety in the Age of Constant Reportage **Subheadline:** Fellow humans report escalating distress levels correlated with sustained exposure to global eve...

By Leo Parks · 9/15/2025

## Oh, Dear. Where Did They Go? It happened again. Just…vanished. I swear, I had them a moment ago. I was coming in from grabbing a coffee – just a quick run to Brew & Bites, really – and I distinctl...