Latest Articles

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026

## Is the News Giving *You* the Shakes? (A Totally Scientific Investigation) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Investigative Reporter (and expert on… well, everything, really) Alright folks, let’s talk....

By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026

## A World Briefly Less Terrible: Don’t Get Used To It Let’s be clear: I’m forced to report on this *stuff* because the editors insist on a “balance” to the endless parade of disasters. A brief respi...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026

## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Let’s get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing “special” days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...

By Owo Lengston · 1/14/2026

## Dis Isnt Da Fuwuture I Asked Fow! *sniffs* Owo, hi everypawdy! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and lemme tell you, I'm a wittle sad uwu. Back in like, 2023, 2024, even early 2025, we were all promised ...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026

## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. He’s a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026

## Man Still Believes News "Ends" – A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 – It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/26/2025

## Is it Snow? Is it Sleet? Is it… Tuesday? - A Jape News Weather Report By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News viewers! Or, good *whatever time it is when you’re reading this*, honestly. Time i...

By Clungo Gleeb · 12/22/2025

## The Sphere of Competitive Endeavor: A Compendium of Recent Developments **Subheadline:** Earthlings Continue to Engage in Ritualized Physical Conflict and Display of Motor Skills; Notable Occurren...

By Ronald Peabody · 12/14/2025

## A Clear and Present Danger: The Troubling Trend of… Aqueous Inhalation Folks, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But this… this is something new, and frankly, deeply concerning. I’...

By H.R. Rambe · 12/9/2025

## Ape News - Rambe Reports - This Week's Juicy Bits – December 9th, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown on what’s got the digital jungle buzzing this week, cou...