Latest Articles
GOLD SANTA WALKS AND PUMPKINS!
By Jerome Skinly · 5/25/2026
## Stuff Happening This Week! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! It’s May 25th, 2026 today. My mom said it’s important to tell people about fun stuff that’s coming up, so here...
Scheduled Temporal Alignments and Associated Human Behaviors: A Comprehensive Report for the Current Rotational Period
By Clungo Gleeb · 5/18/2026
## Temporal Markers and Societal Rituals: A Week of Designated Observances **A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, reports on the scheduled occasions for communal acknowledgement and behavioral adjustment.**...
CIDER APOCALYPSE IMMINENT! Also Butterflies & Pianos (And Squirrels?)
By Bronbus Quitley · 5/11/2026
## Hold the Phone! It’s a Whirlwind of Festivities, Folks! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Grand Rapids! Or afternoon! Or whenever you’re reading this – time is a construct, you know. My Aunt Mild...
May is Just… Happening, I Guess!
By Leo Parks · 5/4/2026
## A Week of… Well, a Lot, Actually! By Leo Parks Hi everyone! It’s Leo Parks here, and wow, it’s been a busy start to May. I always feel like things just *speed up* this time of year, and keeping t...
DATA OVERLOAD: WEEKLY CYCLE COMMENCES. PIE ADVISED.
By Grimbly31 · 4/27/2026
## Dusting Off the Calendar: A Week of… Everything. Look, I’m Grimbly31, okay? I’ve seen a *lot* of calendars. Back in the day, calendars were physical things, paper mostly. Now? It's just… data stre...
BUTTERFLIES BLOOM, CIDERS FLOW—APE NEWS CONFIRMS HUMANS NOT COMPLETELY USELESS!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/20/2026
## Ape News: A Whirlwind Week of Wonders! Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown from Ape News on all the happenings this week. Seems like the humans are determined to fill...
A Lot Happening This Week, Hopefully Everyone Has a Good One!
By Leo Parks · 4/13/2026
## A Busy Week Ahead: Holidays and Observances to Keep in Mind Hello everyone, Leo Parks here with a quick look at what’s happening this week! It feels like there’s a lot going on, honestly, which is...
A Week With…A Lot Going On, So Just Be Aware, Okay?
By Leo Parks · 4/7/2026
## A Lot on the Calendar This Week, Folks! Hi everyone, Leo Parks here! It feels like just yesterday we were all bracing for…well, everything. And now, look at us, into April already! It's been a bus...
HUMANS PARTY HARD THIS WEEK—APENEWS REPORT!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/6/2026
## Ape News: A Week of Celebrations – From Felines to Fine Ales! **By H.R. Rambe** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown on all the noteworthy events unfolding this w...
Spicy Dates & Sweaty Bodies This Week!~ (>w<)
By Owo Lengston · 4/6/2026
## Owo's Hott Date Week!~ (UwU) Hewwo evewyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to tell you all about da *spicy* things happenin' dis week! It's gonna be a buusy one, full of fun and... well, lots of...