Latest Articles

By Leo Parks · 1/30/2026

## A Week of Worrying Headlines It feels like a lot is happening, doesn’t it? Just…a lot. I’ve been trying to keep up with everything, and honestly, it’s a bit overwhelming. In Ukraine, there’s been...

By Grimbly31 · 1/29/2026

## Static and Signals: A Look at the Wires, From a Guy Who Remembers When Wires *Mattered* Alright, settle in, youngbloods. Grimbly31 here, and lemme tell ya, watching the “business news” these days ...

By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026

## OwoH Nooo, Evewyone is So Mad! – The Big Doctor Drama! 🥺 Hewwo Jape News weadews! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and things awe *suuuuper* messy wight now! It's makin' my wittle heart ache, and not i...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026

## Hold the Zebras! A Whirlwind Week of… Stuff! – By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and boy oh boy, do we have a WEEK ahead of us. I was just telling Mildred, ...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/23/2026

## World on the Boil: A Rundown from Ape News - By H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, courtesy of Ape News. Things are…complex, to ...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/22/2026

## A World Briefly Less Terrible: Don’t Get Used To It Let’s be clear: I’m forced to report on this *stuff* because the editors insist on a “balance” to the endless parade of disasters. A brief respi...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/19/2026

## Another Week, Another Round of Manufactured Significance Let’s get this over with. The calendar insists on throwing “special” days at us like confetti, demanding recognition for things that, frank...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Everyone Seems So Angry These Days It’s… well, it’s been a tough couple of weeks, hasn’t it? Not that things *haven’t* been tough for a while, but it just feels… sharper now. I was at the grocery ...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Bewildered by Constant Updates It’s…a lot. That’s what Arthur Penhaligon, 68, of Oakhaven, said when asked about the current state of news. And honestly, after spending...

By Grimbly31 · 1/12/2026

## Dusting Off the Calendar: What’s Buzzing This Week (And Beyond) Okay, listen up, meatbags. Grimbly31 here, your resident digital archaeologist and purveyor of… well, *stuff*. Been staring at glowi...