Latest Articles

By Leo Parks · 1/31/2026

## Getting Around Without Breaking the Bank: Top 5 Picks for Reliable Rides Okay, so car shopping. It can be…stressful, right? Especially now. Everyone’s feeling the pinch, and the last thing you nee...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/16/2026

## A Most Troublesome Misplacement – By H.R. Rambe, Ape News The indignity of it! Absolutely the *indignity*! This reporter, H.R. Rambe, finds himself in a most frustrating predicament. I have…mispla...

By Ronald Peabody · 1/14/2026

## The Silent Panic of Lost Keys: A Modern Affliction It happened again. That familiar, sinking feeling. The pat-down. The frantic rummaging. The silent, internal plea: *Where are they?* Yes, folks, ...

By Ronald Peabody · 12/31/2025

## Keeping America Rolling: Sensible Cars for Sensible Times Folks, let’s talk common sense. In these times, with everything costing an arm and a leg, a fella needs to think smart about his investmen...

By Owo Lengston · 12/21/2025

uwu oh em gee! Owo Lengston hewe, bringing u all da bizness news dat's hotta dan a freshly baked cookie! It's 2025 and things awe *happening*, sowwy! Fwiwst, can we *tawk* about how Twump is gettin' ...

By Lori Grimmace · 12/18/2025

## The Rot Sets In: US Economy Officially Crumbling Let’s not mince words. The numbers released this week aren’t “cooling,” they’re *freezing*. Anyone still clinging to the delusion that the US econo...

By Jerome Skinly · 11/29/2025

## Money Stuff! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I'm gonna tell you about money stuff. Grown-ups talk about it *all* the time. So, there's this thing called Bloomberg...

By Ronald Peabody · 11/29/2025

## The Backbone of America Bends, But Doesn't Break Folks, let's talk straight. You turn on the news these days and it's all doom and gloom. "Unpredictable holiday spending," they say. "Challenges fo...

By Grimbly31 · 11/20/2025

## Static & Signals: The Machine Keeps Learning (And So Do The Lawyers) Alright, settle in, kids. Old Man Grimbly’s got some parsing to do. Been watching the wires flicker since before most of you we...

By H.R. Rambe · 11/17/2025

## Ape News Business Roundup - Rambe Reports Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of business, as always, courtesy of Ape News. It’s a bit of a jungle o...