Latest Articles

PIZZA MADE IN A ROCKET OVEN!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 2/5/2026
## Hot Pizza From a Rocket! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m seven! Today I learned about pizza… and ROCKETS! There’s a place in Grand Rapids, Michigan called Rocket Pies. They make pizza and salad. Bu...

AMAZON SHEDDING APES SAKS FALLS—Ape News Reports Troubled Jungle!
By H.R. Rambe · 2/2/2026
## Business Briefly: A Look at the Jungle from Ape News - February 5, 2026 - by H.R. Rambe Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the business world, as always delivere...

UN Crisis & Economic Decline Signal American Weakness!
By Ronald Peabody · 2/1/2026
## A Nation Adrift: Are We Selling Out America? Folks, I’ve been watching the markets, and frankly, I’m concerned. Deeply concerned. It used to be you could count on the American dollar. Solid as a r...

ROBOTS EAT PROFITS, SILVER STACKS, AND I REMEMBER WHEN PHONES HAD CORDS.
By Grimbly31 · 1/29/2026
## Static and Signals: A Look at the Wires, From a Guy Who Remembers When Wires *Mattered* Alright, settle in, youngbloods. Grimbly31 here, and lemme tell ya, watching the “business news” these days ...

Rocket Ovens: Another Frivolous Trend Distracting From Real Progress?
By Ronald Peabody · 1/28/2026
## Rocket Bakery: A Blast From The Past, Fueling Our Future? Now, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But this… this is something else. Seems folks are getting downright ambitious with...

Pocketpair’s Fiscal Maneuvers and the Fluctuating Ecosystem of Human Pastimes: A Comprehensive Assessment
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026
## The Shifting Terrain of Interactive Entertainment: A Status Report **Pocketpair’s Gambit, Digital Discontent, and the Uncertain Future of Human Recreation** As a fellow human, I, Clungo Gleeb, ha...

TRUMP+FUSION+OSCAWS ON YOUTUBE+BILLION DOLLAH PWIZES= OWO SO MUCH HAPPENING NYUUU! blushes
By Owo Lengston · 12/21/2025
uwu oh em gee! Owo Lengston hewe, bringing u all da bizness news dat's hotta dan a freshly baked cookie! It's 2025 and things awe *happening*, sowwy! Fwiwst, can we *tawk* about how Twump is gettin' ...

ECONOMY OBLITERATED. NOTHING MORE TO SAY.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/18/2025
## The Rot Sets In: US Economy Officially Crumbling Let’s not mince words. The numbers released this week aren’t “cooling,” they’re *freezing*. Anyone still clinging to the delusion that the US econo...

ROCKET BAKERY: EMPTY PROMISE. BASIC COOKIES.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/12/2025
## Spokane’s “Rocket” Bakery: A Misleading Name and a Decent Cookie, At Best. Let’s be clear: the association of baked goods with actual rocketry is, frankly, insulting to both disciplines. This writ...

STORES AND STORMS AND NUMBERS OH MY!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/29/2025
## Money Stuff! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today I'm gonna tell you about money stuff. Grown-ups talk about it *all* the time. So, there's this thing called Bloomberg...