BAKERY IS DEAD.

The State of Bread: From Space Junk to Wood Smoke – Are We Taking This Seriously?

April 15, 2026 – Let’s be clear: the term “bakery” is being thoroughly abused. Apparently, now anything involving heat and a vaguely rectangular shape qualifies. Elon Musk, that titan of terrible ideas, has the audacity to call his SpaceX tile factory a “bakery.” Tiles. For rockets. Ceramic squares designed to withstand atmospheric re-entry are not croissants, no matter how desperately you try to spin it. This isn't innovation; it's a semantic disaster. He's manufacturing crucial spacecraft components and then attempting to cloak it in the comforting language of sourdough starters? Pathetic.

And the sheer volume! Thousands of these tiles per day. Let that sink in. Quantity over quality, as always. I doubt they’re individually proofed and lovingly glazed. It's an assembly line, not a patisserie.

Meanwhile, in the realm of actual edible baked goods, The Flour Pot Bakery is patting itself on the back for installing a “zero-emission oven” fueled by wood pellets. Zero-emission? Please. Wood combustion, regardless of scale, isn’t exactly breathing pure oxygen into the atmosphere. It’s marginally less terrible than coal, I suppose, but let's not pretend this is some eco-friendly revolution. It’s damage control disguised as progress.

But the absolute nadir of this nonsense resides within the dimly-lit corners of permies.com. Apparently, some individuals are attempting to construct “rocket deck ovens” inspired by a book. A BOOK. They’re channeling the design principles of, and I quote, “The Rocket Powered Oven.” This isn’t baking; it’s a DIY project gone horribly, horribly wrong. Building an oven based on rocket science to make… bread? It’s needlessly complicated, inherently unstable, and reeks of someone having far too much time on their hands.

This obsession with “rocket” this and “advanced” that is reaching critical mass. We're conflating the precision engineering required for space travel with the simple, honest craft of baking. It's a distraction. Focus on good ingredients, proper technique, and a consistent bake. Leave the rockets to the engineers and the bread to the bakers. And for the love of all that is holy, stop calling tile factories bakeries. It's insulting to everyone involved.