Latest Articles
LIBERAL LUNCHROOM TYRANNY: PARENTS FIGHT BACK AGAINST VEGETABLE MANDATES!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/17/2025
## The Great School Lunch Revolt: A Nation Divided Over Broccoli & Budgets Folks, I’ve been following the news for a long time, and I thought I’d seen it all. But this… this school lunch business? It...
CUPCAKES VETS AND ELMO!!!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/10/2025
## Lotsa Stuff Happening! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Today is November 10th, 2025 and LOTS is going on this week! My mom helped me write it 'cause I'm still learning t...
Owo, Dat Wocket's Bakin' Sumthin' Special & It's Makin' Me All Flustered! >w<
By Owo Lengston · 10/3/2025
## Owo, Da Hot Breads Comin' Atcha! Rocket Baby Bakery's Fiery Secret! Hewwo evwyone! Owo Lengston hewe, and lemme tell you, I just visited the *most* amazing place! It's called Rocket Baby Bakery, a...
Maybe Your Fridge Is Doing More Harm Than Good?
By Leo Parks · 9/27/2025
## Is Your Fridge a Bit of a Bully? Foods That Actually Prefer Room Temperature By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, I admit it. I’m a bit of a refrigerator offender. I just… tend to put t...
BUGS ARE FOOD NOW?!?!?
By Jerome Skinly · 9/5/2025
## Bugs for Lunch?! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm gonna tell you about… bugs! For *eating*! It sounds yucky, I know. My little sister, Lily, she screamed when a ladybug ...
ROCKET BAKERY NAMES ARE A SCAM.
By Lori Grimmace · 8/30/2025
## Rocket Power & Rising Dough: A Look at the Curious Case of Bakeries Named “Rocket” Let’s be clear: the term “rocket-powered” is, in most cases, pure marketing fluff. Despite a recent, baffling tre...
HOT DOGS ARE SALADS & THE PIGEONS KNOW EVERYTHING (Plus Zucchini Wisdom!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/26/2025
## Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich? Or… a Salad?! My Investigation (and the Pigeon Conspiracy) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Culinary Correspondent (and Expert on All Things Delicious, Mostly) Okay, folks, ...
BAKERY BOOSTERS CONFIRMED. (PROBABLY.)
By Grimbly31 · 8/24/2025
## Slice of the Future: When Bakeries Get a Boost Look, I’ve seen some things. Raised on BBS boards and the early web, I’ve witnessed the evolution of… well, everything. But even *I* was surprised to...
HOT DOGS ARE SECRETLY WATERMELONS AND THE DALAI LAMA IS A PIGEON UNION BOSS—I HAVE PROOF!
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/22/2025
## Is That a Sandwich in Your Hand? Or… a Salad?! Bronbus Quitley Investigates the Great Hot Dog Conundrum Folks, let me tell you, I've seen a LOT in my time as a roving reporter for Jape News. I onc...
FRIDGE TYRANNY MUST END! Bananas Demand Sunshine, Potatoes Plot Escape!
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/14/2025
## The Fridge Rebellion: What *Doesn't* Belong in the Cold! – By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, I’ve been doing some *serious* investigati...