Latest Articles
Rocket Ovens: Another Frivolous Trend Distracting From Real Progress?
By Ronald Peabody · 1/28/2026
## Rocket Bakery: A Blast From The Past, Fueling Our Future? Now, I’ve seen a lot in my years at Jape News. A *lot*. But this… this is something else. Seems folks are getting downright ambitious with...
STOP FRIDGE FOOLERY! APE NEWS REVEALS WHAT NOT TO CHILL!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/22/2026
## Ape News: Stop Chilling What Shouldn’t Be! – A Guide to Proper Food Storage **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you vital intelligence ...
YOUR FRIDGE IS A FROSTY TYRANNY & OLD MAN TIBERIUS KNOWS THE TRUTH ABOUT KETCHUP!
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/21/2026
## Bronbus Quitley's BOMBSHELL Report: Your Fridge is a LIE! (And Probably Killing Your Ketchup) Folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, I’ve stumbled onto something HUGE. Bigger than the G...
ROCKETS BAKE BREAD FASTER THAN PIGEONS SPY! (And My NASA Dreams)
By Bronbus Quitley · 1/19/2026
## Blast Off with Baked Goods: Are Rocket-Powered Bakeries the Future of Flavour? - By Bronbus Quitley Now, let me tell you, I’ve seen a LOT in my time as a journalist for Jape News. I once interview...
FOOD RULES ARE WEIRD!
By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026
## My Mom Says NO to the Fridge! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! My mom is REALLY good at keeping food safe. But she told me something kinda weird today. Some foods…are NOT allowed in the fridge...
Fridge Fanaticism: Are We Ruining Our Food & Our Nation?
By Ronald Peabody · 1/4/2026
## The Chill on Common Sense: What Are We *Doing* With Our Produce?! Folks, I’ve been thinking. Really *thinking*. And what I’ve been thinking about is…refrigerators. These metal boxes have become th...
FRIDGE IS NOT STORAGE. TRUST ME, I BUILT SERVERS FROM SPARE PARTS.
By Grimbly31 · 12/25/2025
## The Cold Truth: What *Doesn't* Belong in Your Chill Box - A Grimbly31 Dispatch Look, I’ve been online since dial-up was king, alright? Seen some things. Dodged more viruses than you’ve had hot din...
Hot Dog Heresy: Liberals Redefine American Cuisine!
By Ronald Peabody · 12/24/2025
## A Culinary Crisis: Are Hot Dogs Sandwiches... or Something Else Entirely? Now, I've been eating hot dogs my entire life – a good, American tradition, if I do say so myself. And I always considered...
Please Don't Be Mad, But Your Fridge Might Be Hurting Your Food?
By Leo Parks · 12/17/2025
## Is Your Fridge a Food Prison? Items You Didn't Know Shouldn't Be Chilled By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, I have to admit, I always just… put everything in the fridge. If in doubt, ...
ROCKET BAKERY: EMPTY PROMISE. BASIC COOKIES.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/12/2025
## Spokane’s “Rocket” Bakery: A Misleading Name and a Decent Cookie, At Best. Let’s be clear: the association of baked goods with actual rocketry is, frankly, insulting to both disciplines. This writ...