Latest Articles

By Jerome Skinly · 3/15/2026

## Should Babies Have iPhones? By Jerome Skinly, Age 7 Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven! My teacher, Ms. Davis, asked us to write about stuff. I was thinking… should babies have iPhones? Like, the *real*...

By Ronald Peabody · 3/10/2026

## Nature’s Fury: Are We Being Punished for Our Sins? Folks, I’ve been watching the weather reports, and frankly, it’s downright *Biblical* out there. Not just a little rain and wind, no. We're talki...

By Ronald Peabody · 3/10/2026

## Are “Save the Squirrels” Saving… or Silently Suffering? Now, I like a squirrel as much as the next fella. They’re industrious little critters, burying nuts, livin’ off the land. A symbol of Americ...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/20/2026

## Hot Dogs: Sandwich OR Salad?! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m a reporter for Jape News. Today I’m trying to figure out something REALLY important. Are hot dogs sandwiches? Or… sal...

By Lori Grimmace · 2/13/2026

## Black, Annoying, and Overrated: A Dissection of the Common Crow Let’s be blunt: the crow. Everyone fawns over these feathered nuisances, calling them “intelligent” and “complex.” Please. They’re g...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/8/2026

## The Rising Tide of Moral Decay and…Giant Squids? Folks, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of *observing*. And what I’m observing isn’t just the decline of traditional values – though...

By Ronald Peabody · 2/8/2026

## This Isn’t the Future I Asked For Now, I’ve seen a lot of things in my time. Been writing for Jape News for… well, let’s just say a good long while. I thought I was prepared for anything. Flying c...

By Lori Grimmace · 2/5/2026

## Another Gray Day, Another Waste of Oxygen Let’s be clear: the weather is offensively mediocre. Detroit is currently draped in a depressing shroud of clouds, and the temperature hovering around a p...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/2/2026

## Babies and Shiny Phones? By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I’m seven. My teacher, Miss Lily, said I could write for the news! Today I wanna talk about babies and… iPhones. My cousin Leo just had...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/16/2026

## Painted Faces, Empty Souls: A Dissection of the Clown Let's be clear: the recent resurgence of "clown appreciation" is nauseating. These garishly painted figures, historically and presently, are n...