Latest Articles
SQUIRRELS THRIVE. STOP HELPING THEM.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/2/2025
## Frankly, It's About Time Someone Addressed the Squirrel Situation Let's be clear: squirrels are a nuisance. A fluffy-tailed, nut-burying, garden-devastating nuisance. However, even *I* can acknowl...
Swift & Poundstone Lead Nation's Decline – “Nice Things” Now Just An Excuse For Waste!
By Ronald Peabody · 8/29/2025
## The Crumbling of Civilization, One Broken Trinket at a Time Folks, let’s talk about a national epidemic. No, not inflation, though Lord knows that’s a problem. I’m talking about *carelessness*. A ...
Swifties & Sanders: Is American Sport Losing Its Spine?
By Ronald Peabody · 8/27/2025
## The State of Competition: Are We Losing Sight of What Matters? Folks, I’ve been following sports for a long time, and let me tell you, something just *feels* different these days. It’s not just th...
HOT DOGS ARE SALADS & THE PIGEONS KNOW EVERYTHING (Plus Zucchini Wisdom!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/26/2025
## Is a Hot Dog a Sandwich? Or… a Salad?! My Investigation (and the Pigeon Conspiracy) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Culinary Correspondent (and Expert on All Things Delicious, Mostly) Okay, folks, ...
HOT DOGS ARE SECRETLY WATERMELONS AND THE DALAI LAMA IS A PIGEON UNION BOSS—I HAVE PROOF!
By Bronbus Quitley · 8/22/2025
## Is That a Sandwich in Your Hand? Or… a Salad?! Bronbus Quitley Investigates the Great Hot Dog Conundrum Folks, let me tell you, I've seen a LOT in my time as a roving reporter for Jape News. I onc...
WEATHER FORECASTS ARE UTTERLY INSUFFICIENT.
By Lori Grimmace · 8/7/2025
## Another Day, Another Disappointment (Weather Edition) Let’s be clear: “Mostly Sunny” is a pathetic excuse for a weather forecast. 87 degrees in Grand Rapids? Pleasant? It’s barely tolerable. And d...
Swift's Lament: A National Decline in Decency
By Ronald Peabody · 7/3/2025
## The Erosion of Civility: Why We Just Can't Seem To Have Nice Things Anymore Folks, let’s be honest. Have you noticed the general… unpleasantness lately? Not just in politics – although goodness kn...
DEMOCRATS: A FESTERING MESS.
By Lori Grimmace · 6/25/2025
## The Democratic Party: A House Divided, a Future Uncertain Let’s be blunt: the Democratic Party isn’t thriving. It’s *surviving*. And the narrative that paints a picture of unified progress is a bl...