Latest Articles
Apiarian Advocate Confronts the Relentless March of Terrestrial Temporal Awareness
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026
## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims âBee...
Tiberius Discovers Ape News WheelâWorry Spins Faster!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026
## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. Heâs a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...
GNOME-BELIEVING SIMPLETON EMBARRASSES NATION
By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026
## Man Still Believes News "Ends" â A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 â It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...
BAKING IS DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/11/2025
## The Descent into Gimmickry: When Baking Met Misguided Ambition Letâs be clear: the culinary world has officially jumped the shark. It wasnât enough to simply *bake* things, no. Now, apparently, we...
SPORTS ISN'T DYING IT'S ALREADY DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/15/2025
## The State of Play: A Descent into Mediocrity and Predictable Scandals Letâs be clear: if I wanted fluff, Iâd collect dust bunnies. The sports world, as presented by the Associated Press â and ther...
SPORTS IS A WASTE.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/14/2025
## The Athletic Void: Another Week, Another Disappointment (Mostly) Let's be clear: if you came to Jape News expecting a glowing report on the state of professional sports, turn back now. Seriously. ...
SPORTS ARE DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/11/2025
## The State of Play: A Descent Into Mediocrity Letâs be clear: if this is the best the sporting world can offer, consider the whole enterprise a write-off. A deluge of predictable outcomes, manufact...