Latest Articles
SHEEP DETECTIVES: ANOTHER SIGN OF SOCIETY'S DECLINE
By Ronald Peabody · 5/26/2026
## The Decline of Family Entertainment: A Look at âThe Sheep Detectivesâ Folks, Iâve just returned from a viewing of this⊠*film* called âThe Sheep Detectives.â Now, don't get me wrong, the little on...
SPORTS IS A JOKE.
By Lori Grimmace · 5/9/2026
## The State of Sports: A Descent into the Predictable and the Pathetic Letâs just lay it all out there, shall we? Another week, another avalanche of mediocrity disguised as âeliteâ athletic competit...
TECH PROMISES RUINED EVERYTHING.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/3/2026
## This Isn't the Future I Asked For Letâs be blunt. It's April 3rd, 2026, and the gleaming, frictionless utopia promised by every tech baron and âvisionaryâ since the dawn of the internet? It's a la...
GAMING IS DYING. ACCEPT IT.
By Lori Grimmace · 4/1/2026
## The State of Gaming: A Ruthless Assessment â March 2024 Letâs be clear: most gaming news is fluff. Hype built on marketing, not merit. But even *I*, Lori Grimmace, can admit *some* things stood ou...
MR GRUMBLES IS MAD AT THE BUNNY!
By Jerome Skinly · 2/12/2026
## Mr. Grumbles and the Never-Ending News Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm telling you about my neighbor, Mr. Grumbles. He's REALLY old. Not like, super-duper old, but older...
Apiarian Advocate Confronts the Relentless March of Terrestrial Temporal Awareness
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026
## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims âBee...
Tiberius Discovers Ape News WheelâWorry Spins Faster!
By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026
## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. Heâs a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...
GNOME-BELIEVING SIMPLETON EMBARRASSES NATION
By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026
## Man Still Believes News "Ends" â A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 â It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...
BAKING IS DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 12/11/2025
## The Descent into Gimmickry: When Baking Met Misguided Ambition Letâs be clear: the culinary world has officially jumped the shark. It wasnât enough to simply *bake* things, no. Now, apparently, we...
SPORTS ISN'T DYING IT'S ALREADY DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/15/2025
## The State of Play: A Descent into Mediocrity and Predictable Scandals Letâs be clear: if I wanted fluff, Iâd collect dust bunnies. The sports world, as presented by the Associated Press â and ther...