Tiberius Discovers Ape News Wheel—Worry Spins Faster!

Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News

Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. He’s a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River, but… he gets flustered. Utterly, hilariously flustered by Ape News – and frankly, by the whole business of knowing things.

I found him this morning, practically vibrating with anxiety. “Rambe!” he exclaimed, nearly knocking over a pyramid of perfectly ripe plantains. “They said the shimmering beetles are back! Back, I tell you! And yesterday it was the floating gardens threatening to collide with the city! What is happening?”

Now, Tiberius is a creature of habit. He likes things predictable. He likes knowing the sun will rise, the river will flow, and customers will want his bananas. This whole ‘news cycle’ thing? It’s throwing his whole system into chaos.

I sat him down on a crate, offered him a particularly sweet Cavendish, and tried to explain. “Tiberius, listen. Something happens. The beetles appear. Ape News reports it. We all discuss it. Then, inevitably, something else happens.”

He blinked at me. “But… the beetles! Shouldn’t we fix the beetles?”

“We will, or they’ll fly away on their own. But right now, a shipment of glow-coral got lost at sea, and that’s what everyone is talking about.”

“Lost coral?!” He threw his hands up. “So, beetles and coral? Is everything falling apart?”

That's when it hit me. He wasn't upset about the events themselves. He was upset that the events kept changing. He was used to a world where a problem announced itself and stayed announced until solved. He was expecting a linear narrative, and Ape News – the world, really – was giving him a swirling vortex of information.

“Tiberius,” I said slowly, “Ape News doesn’t show you all the problems, all the time. It shows you what’s new, what’s impacting the most apes, right now. The beetle story didn't vanish. It’s just… less urgent. Something else grabbed the spotlight.”

He looked dubious. “Spotlight? You’re talking about a light?”

I sighed. This was going to take a while. I explained how Ape News is constantly updating, how reporters chase new angles, how a local squabble might be big news one day and forgotten the next. I talked about impact, timeliness, and even – carefully – the unfortunate appeal of conflict.

He still seemed unconvinced, but I saw a flicker of understanding in his eyes.

“So,” he said, thoughtfully peeling his banana, “it’s like… a wheel? Always spinning, bringing new things into view, and pushing old things out of sight?”

“Exactly!” I beamed. “A very fast, very complicated wheel. But a wheel nonetheless.”

He paused, then chuckled. "A spinning wheel of worry, more like. Still, a good banana helps.”

And it did. For a little while, at least. I have a feeling I’ll be explaining the news cycle to Old Man Tiberius again tomorrow. But that’s alright. Someone has to keep the good apes informed – and someone else has to keep the banana stand running smoothly, even when the world feels like it’s spinning out of control.