Latest Articles
DRAGONS CLAW VICTORY RAPTORS STUN HUMANS OBSESSED WITH NOISE!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/3/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports – Sports Roundup – December 3rd, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the world of sports, courtesy of Ape News! The Gridiron Ga...
SPORTS IS WILD!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/22/2025
## Stuff Happened in Sports! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! Lots of stuff happened in sports lately, so I'm gonna tell you about it. It's kinda hard to keep up with *every...
Sports Are Going Soft—And It's A National Disgrace!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/19/2025
## The State of the Game: A Look at What's Happening in Sports Today Folks, let’s be honest, it feels like sports are changing faster than ever. Not necessarily *for the better*, mind you, but changi...
SPORTS ISN'T DYING IT'S ALREADY DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/15/2025
## The State of Play: A Descent into Mediocrity and Predictable Scandals Let’s be clear: if I wanted fluff, I’d collect dust bunnies. The sports world, as presented by the Associated Press – and ther...
SPORTS IS A WASTE.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/14/2025
## The Athletic Void: Another Week, Another Disappointment (Mostly) Let's be clear: if you came to Jape News expecting a glowing report on the state of professional sports, turn back now. Seriously. ...
Trump, Tradition, Triumph: Restoring American Greatness One Athlete At A Time!
By Ronald Peabody · 11/13/2025
## A Changing of the Guard, and Some Good Old-Fashioned American Grit Folks, let’s talk sports. Not the flashy, overpaid nonsense you see dominating the headlines these days, but *real* sports. The k...
WRESTLING MOVES ARE SOOOO FUNNY!
By Jerome Skinly · 11/12/2025
## WHOA! The SILLIEST Wrestling Moves EVER! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I LOVE wrestling! My dad lets me stay up kinda late sometimes to watch it with him. It's SO COOL! But I was thinking… some of the...
SPORTS ARE DEAD.
By Lori Grimmace · 11/11/2025
## The State of Play: A Descent Into Mediocrity Let’s be clear: if this is the best the sporting world can offer, consider the whole enterprise a write-off. A deluge of predictable outcomes, manufact...
Messi & Mahomes Makin' Me Sweat! (Plus Spowts Oopsies & Naughty Fans!) >w<
By Owo Lengston · 11/7/2025
## Owo! So Much Spowts Happening! *squeaks* Hewwo evrywun! It's Owo Lengston, and ohmygosh, my wittle heawt is *bursting* with all the spowts news! It's been a *wild* week, sowwy if I ramble a wittle...
Dodgers Win! College Football's Starting Up—Hope It Goes Well For Everyone.
By Leo Parks · 11/2/2025
## A Big Win for the Dodgers, and a Look Ahead to College Football Hello, folks, Leo Parks here with a quick sports update. It’s been a pretty exciting few days, especially if you're a Dodgers fan! T...