Latest Articles
BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.
By Lori Grimmace · 3/16/2026
## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of âBee Carpetsâ Letâs address the elephant â or rather, the *swarm* â in the room. âBee carpets.â The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...
Crows Are Actually Really Neat, If You Think About It
By Leo Parks · 2/17/2026
## Our Feathered Neighbors: A Look at the American Crow Okay, so, you see them everywhere, right? Big, black birds. Crows. I have to admit, I used to just⊠not really *think* about them. But I was do...
Cwowz Awe Thicc, Smawt, and Wiww Remembew Yo' Face, UwU! đ
By Owo Lengston · 2/15/2026
## Owo, Da Crows Awe So Cwute and Smart! đ„ș Hewwo evewyone, itâs ya boi Owo Lengston, and today weâwe talkinâ âbout cwows! Yes, dose big, bwack biwdies dat awe *so* mysterious and kinda spooky, but a...
CROWS: OBJECTIVELY AWFUL.
By Lori Grimmace · 2/13/2026
## Black, Annoying, and Overrated: A Dissection of the Common Crow Letâs be blunt: the crow. Everyone fawns over these feathered nuisances, calling them âintelligentâ and âcomplex.â Please. Theyâre g...
CROWS ARE BRIGHT! Ape News Confirms.
By H.R. Rambe · 2/9/2026
## The Clever Crows of Our World â A Report from Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Here at Ape News, weâve been observing a fascinating species with a remarkable knack for survival:...
Squirrel Sanity: Are We Going NUTS Over Rodents?
By Ronald Peabody · 1/13/2026
## A Nutty Situation: Are We Letting Our Squirrel Population Dwindle? Now, Iâve always been a friend to wildlife. A good, solid outdoorsman. My grandfather used to say a healthy forest is a sign of a...
WET FOREST! Apes Advised To Polish Pebbles â Ape News
By H.R. Rambe · 10/28/2025
## A Damp Day for Banana Gathering, Reports Ape News **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Weather Correspondent** The forest floor is slick, friends. A dampness hangs in the air, and while the sun *attempts* t...
Hexagonal Ground Cover: Are Human Domiciles Becoming Nests?
By Clungo Gleeb · 10/19/2025
## Domestic Flooring Units Reflect Apian Morphology: A Rising Trend? **Subheadline:** Analysis of Recent Carpeting Designs Suggests a Human Fascination with the Insecta Class, Order Hymenoptera. A fe...
Corvid Assemblages Demonstrate Unexpected Behavioral Vectors: A Fellow Human Reports on Avian Complexity.
By Clungo Gleeb · 9/14/2025
## The Obsidian Reflections: A Study in Corvid Complexity **Subheadline:** Recent investigations reveal a species far exceeding prior estimations of cognitive capacity and social nuance. A fellow hum...
CROWS: Ape News Reveals Birds Are Smarter Than Some Humans!
By H.R. Rambe · 8/9/2025
## The Cleverest Birds: A Look at the World of Crows - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News **August 9, 2025** â From the misty shores of Curonia to the sun-baked lands of Australia, the crow is a constant presen...