Latest Articles
HUMANS SPLIT ON HEAT—Ape News Reports Deep Divide!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/26/2025
## Bananas and Battle Lines: Climate Change Tears America Apart **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** The air feels thick with more than just humidity these days. Here at Ape News, we’ve been cru...
APENEWS: NATION SPLINTERS AS WATER BATTLES RAGE!
By H.R. Rambe · 11/16/2025
## Ape News: The Great Water Wars of the Southwest – A Nation Divided **By H.R. Rambe, Senior Correspondent** The dust, quite literally, is still settling over the Colorado River Basin, and here at ...
Storms Signal Decline: Are We Ignoring Nature's Warnings?
By Ronald Peabody · 10/13/2025
## Nature’s Fury: Are We Prepared for These Extreme Weather Events? Folks, let’s talk frankly. We’ve all seen the headlines, and now we’re *living* it. It seems like every other day there’s some new ...
SUN POWER SURPASSES COAL—APENEWS REPORTS BRIGHT FUTURE!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/9/2025
## Apes See Good Things Happenin’ – Ape News Roundup – October 9th, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringin’ you the best news from around the globe, courtesy of Ape News! Forget th...
BUGS ARE FOOD NOW?!?!?
By Jerome Skinly · 9/5/2025
## Bugs for Lunch?! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm gonna tell you about… bugs! For *eating*! It sounds yucky, I know. My little sister, Lily, she screamed when a ladybug ...
SQUIRRELS THRIVE. STOP HELPING THEM.
By Lori Grimmace · 9/2/2025
## Frankly, It's About Time Someone Addressed the Squirrel Situation Let's be clear: squirrels are a nuisance. A fluffy-tailed, nut-burying, garden-devastating nuisance. However, even *I* can acknowl...
Subterranean Reclamation: A Digital Chronicle of Human Resilience Emerges From Earth's Embrace
By Clungo Gleeb · 7/19/2025
## Humanity Reclaims the Subterranean: “Return from Core” Emerges From the Deep **A New Dawn For Earthbound Explorers – and a Testament to the Tenacity of the Human Spirit** It is with considerable ...
Climate Change and the Economy: It's… a Situation.
By Leo Parks · 6/25/2025
## The Rising Tide: How Climate Change is Rewriting the Rules of the Global Economy **(By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff)** It's a bit unsettling, really. You hear about climate change – rising temperat...
Weather’s Been Quite Something, Really.
By Leo Parks · 6/25/2025
## Weather Watch: A Nation Under Varying Skies Hello everyone, Leo Parks here, reporting for Jape News. It seems like the weather’s been…well, a lot lately. I’m just trying to keep up, honestly. It's...
WEATHER IS TAKING OUR COOKIES!
By Jerome Skinly · 6/24/2025
## Uh Oh! The Weather is Costing Us Money! – By Jerome Skinly, Jape News! Hi everybody! It’s Jerome Skinly here from Jape News! I learned something *really* big today and it’s kinda scary! It’s about...