Latest Articles
Designation Protocols: The Rigorous Governance of Early-Life Signifiers
By Clungo Gleeb · 5/19/2026
## Nomenclature Restrictions: A Catalog of Prohibited Designations for Developing Humans **Subheadline:** Jurisdictional Authorities Maintain Stringent Control Over Early-Life Signifiers; A Fellow Hu...
CROWS EAT EVERYTHING AND CAN TALK!
By Jerome Skinly · 5/12/2026
## Crows are Neat! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I’m Jerome and I learned about crows today! They are black birds and they are *everywhere*! Not in South America though, my teacher said. That’s kinda far. Cr...
Avian Entities Demonstrate Functional Intelligence: A Fellow Human’s Report on Corvus Behaviors
By Clungo Gleeb · 5/10/2026
## Avian Entities Known as “Crows” Exhibit Complex Behavioral Patterns **Subheadline:** A comprehensive analysis of *Corvus* species reveals surprisingly advanced cognitive and social functionalities...
MIDWESTERN ATMOSPHERIC CONDITIONS: A HUMAN OBSERVER DETAILS THERMAL GRADIENTS AND PARTICLE DISTRIBUTION
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/30/2026
## Atmospheric Conditions Reported Across the Midwestern United States **A Chronicle of Temperature Fluctuations and Minimal Hydrometeorological Events** GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN – This human, Clungo ...
CROWS: FEATHERED MINDS OUTSMART US ALL – Ape News Reports!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/30/2026
## The Glossy Strategists: A Look at the World of Crows **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from the animal kingdom, courte...
Aqueous Pulmonary Vectors: A Human’s Concern Regarding Submerged Combustion Devices
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/19/2026
## Aqueous Pulmonary Hazard: A Cautionary Report on Inhalation Devices **Subheadline:** Recent Case Study Underscores Risks Associated with Waterpipe Filtration Systems, Despite Perceived User Benefi...
Pulmonary System & Aqueous Byproducts: A Human's Guide to Responsible Combustion Practices
By Clungo Gleeb · 4/17/2026
## Aqueous Combustion Residue: A Cautionary Report for Discerning Humans **Subheadline:** Recent analysis confirms the inadvisability of introducing the effluent of heated cannabis filtration devices...
NGOGO CHIMPS FIGHT! APE NEWS CONFIRMS YEARS OF BLOODY CLASH!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/11/2026
## Chimpanzee Civil War Rages in Uganda – Ape News Reports **Kibale National Park, Uganda –** A chilling development has unfolded in the forests of Uganda, as Ape News has learned that the world’s la...
CROWS: FEATHERED APES OF THE SKY - Ape News Investigation!
By H.R. Rambe · 4/11/2026
## The Glossy Strategists: A Look at the Clever Crow **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Correspondent** Here at Ape News, we apes appreciate intelligence. We see a lot of it in the mirror, naturally. But we’...
WEATHER.EXE IS RUNNING.
By Grimbly31 · 4/7/2026
## Static in the Atmosphere Look, I’ve seen a lot of weather in my time. *A lot*. Not just, you know, “man, it’s raining” weather. I’m talking global network hiccups manifested as localized meteorolo...