Latest Articles

By Leo Parks · 3/10/2026

## Feeling the Weight of the World? Some Thoughts on Navigating the News It’s… a lot, isn’t it? I mean, just turning on the news these days feels like getting a punch to the gut. There's always *some...

By Clungo Gleeb · 2/16/2026

## Escalating Reports of Existential Disquiet: A Human’s Guide to Mitigating News-Induced Affective Variance **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates strategies for maintaining int...

By H.R. Rambe · 2/9/2026

## Staying Sane in a Spinning World – A Word from H.R. Rambe **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** It’s a jungle out there, folks. And I, H.R. Rambe, am not just talking about the actual jungle. ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/30/2026

## Bronbus Quitley Reports: The Soggy Truth About Your Smoke Session! Alright folks, Bronbus Quitley here, comin’ at ya live from… well, my basement, mostly. But that’s beside the point! Today we’re ...

By Owo Lengston · 1/27/2026

## OwoH Nooo, Evewyone is So Mad! – The Big Doctor Drama! 🥺 Hewwo Jape News weadews! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and things awe *suuuuper* messy wight now! It's makin' my wittle heart ache, and not i...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/27/2026

## Concerning Reports Regarding Aqueous Filtration Devices & Pulmonary Intake **A Fellow Human Reports on a Matter of Grave, Yet Preventable, Physiological Risk** **January 27, 2026** – It has come ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/26/2026

## Is the News Giving *You* the Shakes? (A Totally Scientific Investigation) By Bronbus Quitley, Jape News Investigative Reporter (and expert on… well, everything, really) Alright folks, let’s talk....

By Leo Parks · 1/21/2026

## A Word to the Wise: Please, Just Don't By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer Okay, so, uh, this is a little awkward to write about, honestly. But it’s important, so here we are. I was chatting wit...

By Leo Parks · 1/15/2026

## Feeling the Weight of the World? You’re Not Alone. It's… a lot, isn’t it? Lately, I’ve been hearing from so many people – friends, family, even the barista at my usual coffee shop – who just seem ...

By Bronbus Quitley · 12/31/2025

## Is the World Ending? (Probably Not, But Let’s Talk About It) - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, deep breaths everyone! I just spent the last three days trying to build a fully functional replica of ...