Latest Articles
NEWS GOT YOU DOWN? WALRUSES & OPERA TOMATOES HOLD THE KEY! (I Think)
By Bronbus Quitley · 5/10/2026
## Is the News Giving You the Willies? Bronbus Quitley Has the Answers! (Probably) Okay, okay, settle down folks! I, Bronbus Quitley, am *here* to talk about something very serious. Very, very seriou...
OFFLINE. IS. THE NEW ONLINE.
By Grimbly31 · 5/7/2026
## Disconnecting to Reconnect: A Grimbly31 Guide to Raising Meat-Sacks (and Having Fun Doing It) Look, I get it. Youâve got these⊠*children*. Little carbon-based lifeforms demanding attention. Proba...
Ape News: Humans Going Bananas! Rambeâs Guide to Staying Sane.
By H.R. Rambe · 4/26/2026
## Ape News: Staying Sane in a World Gone Bananas **By H.R. Rambe** Itâs me, Rambe, reporting for Ape News. And let me tell you, even *I* am feeling a little⊠frayed around the edges lately. And I h...
STAY STRONG AMERICA: Don't Let the Media Manufacture Your Worry!
By Ronald Peabody · 4/10/2026
## Keeping a Stiff Upper Lip in Troubled Times Folks, letâs be honest. It feels like every time you turn on the television, or â heaven forbid â scroll through one of those social media contraptions,...
Maybe Taking Things a Little Easier Could Help?
By Leo Parks · 3/10/2026
## Feeling the Weight of the World? Some Thoughts on Navigating the News Itâs⊠a lot, isnât it? I mean, just turning on the news these days feels like getting a punch to the gut. There's always *some...
Affective Variance Escalates: A Human Practitioner Documents Strategies for Internal Equilibrium
By Clungo Gleeb · 2/16/2026
## Escalating Reports of Existential Disquiet: A Humanâs Guide to Mitigating News-Induced Affective Variance **Subheadline:** A fellow human, Clungo Gleeb, investigates strategies for maintaining int...
APE NEWS: TROOP SANITY SAVEDâLIMIT NEWS, SWING MORE!
By H.R. Rambe · 2/9/2026
## Staying Sane in a Spinning World â A Word from H.R. Rambe **By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Staff Writer** Itâs a jungle out there, folks. And I, H.R. Rambe, am not just talking about the actual jungle. ...
Things Feel A Little Intense Right Now, Don't They?
By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026
## Everyone Seems So Angry These Days Itâs⊠well, itâs been a tough couple of weeks, hasnât it? Not that things *havenât* been tough for a while, but it just feels⊠sharper now. I was at the grocery ...
It's Hard Right Now, But Maybe We Can Help Each Other?
By Leo Parks · 1/15/2026
## Feeling the Weight of the World? Youâre Not Alone. It's⊠a lot, isnât it? Lately, Iâve been hearing from so many people â friends, family, even the barista at my usual coffee shop â who just seem ...
RAMBE SAYS: APE NEWS - STAY GROUNDED WHEN WORLD GOES HAYWIRE!
By H.R. Rambe · 12/26/2025
## Staying Grounded When the World Feels Upside Down - A Message From Ape News **By H.R. Rambe** Itâs a hairy situation, folks. Even *I*, a highly evolved ape and seasoned news-gatherer for Ape News...