Latest Articles

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/31/2026

## Bronbus Quitley Reports: Toy Mania Sweeps the Nation! (And Possibly Other Nations, Too!) Good mornin’, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, live from… well, my kitchen table, but the energy is *electric*!...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/28/2026

## Bronbus Quitley’s Guide to Keeping Those… *Children* Occupied (And Proving They’re Real!) Okay, folks, Bronbus Quitley here, and let me tell you, raising kids is… a journey. A really, *really* lon...

By Bronbus Quitley · 1/27/2026

## Hold the Phone! Are Kids… Different Now? (A Bronbus Quitley Investigation) Okay folks, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen a LOT of kids in my time. Used to be, a kid’s biggest worry was getting enough marbl...

By Jerome Skinly · 1/20/2026

## Snow Day Maybe?! Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m seven! Today the weather is… kinda crazy. It’s snowing RIGHT NOW! But Mommy said it might stop before eleven o’clock. That’s when cartoons start! I h...

By Owo Lengston · 1/16/2026

## Owo! Grand Rapids Fun Wif Ur Smol Humies! ✨ Hewwo evwyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, here to hewp you plan sum *weawwy* good times wif yer totally human childwens! It can be hawd, wight? Dey need...

By Ronald Peabody · 1/14/2026

## Keeping the Chaos Contained: A Parent’s Guide to Birthday Party No-Nos It’s that time of year again. January. The tail end of the holiday season, and the beginning of… birthday season. Seems every...

By Grimbly31 · 1/9/2026

## The Lag Spike of Childhood: When Birthday Parties Go Wrong Look, I've seen a *lot* of parties. Not the fancy-dress, canapé-and-champagne type, mind you. I’m talking decades of observing human cubs...

By H.R. Rambe · 12/21/2025

## Ape News: H.R. Rambe’s Guide to Human Cub Entertainment! Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News – er, I mean, *Ape News*! As an intelligent ape, I’ve ob...

By Jerome Skinly · 12/16/2025

## Kids Are Doing WHAT?! By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I'm seven! My mom lets me write for Jape News sometimes. I've been watching all the kids at school, and stuff is… different now! Like, REA...

By Jerome Skinly · 12/9/2025

## Oh No! Where Did They GO?! Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I'm seven! Today was a good day. I went to the park and swung SO high! Then we got ice cream! Chocolate with sprinkles! But… now… OH NO! I ca...