Latest Articles
WOMEN IN TWASH?! MY HEAWT CAN'T TAKE IT! needs cuddles and a warm place🥺
By Owo Lengston · 1/24/2026
## O-Oh Noes! Two W-Women Found in Trash?! *hides face* Hewwo evewyone, it's ya boi Owo Lengston hewe, and I have some vewy, vewy sad newsies. It’s makin’ my wittle heawt huwt, it is! *sniffles* F-F...
DECADENCE AND DISORDER: When Will We Prioritize Safety?
By Ronald Peabody · 1/23/2026
## A Sad Reflection of Our Times: Woman Found Near Q-Mart, Another Assault Reported It’s a dark day for Columbia, and frankly, for the nation. Just this week, the body of a woman was discovered disca...
Deceased Human Specimen Recovered: A Study in Post-Mortem Relocation and Interpersonal Conflict
By Clungo Gleeb · 1/18/2026
## Human Remains Located in Refuse Receptacle: A Matter of Grave Concern **Authorities Investigate Suspicious Demise Near Q-Mart Establishment; Individual Identified** **Columbia, South Carolina –**...
AI-Fueled Cybercrime: Our Digital Defenses Are Crumbling!
By Ronald Peabody · 1/15/2026
## A Digital Storm Brewing: Staying Safe in a World of Shifting Threats Folks, let’s talk security. Not the kind with fences and guards, but the kind protecting your information in this increasingly ...
Terrible News From Q-Mart & Elsewhere, It's Just Really Sad
By Leo Parks · 12/22/2025
## A Sad Discovery at the Q-Mart It’s… well, it’s just a really sad situation, honestly. I’m Leo Parks, and I’m reporting on a truly difficult story out of Columbia. This past April, on the 11th, pol...
AUNT MILDRED, HACKERS, & ROBOT BOXING MATCHES—THE INTERNET IS OFFICIALLY BONKERS!
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/27/2025
## Hold onto Your Hats, Folks! The Internet is Officially a Wild West (and My Aunt Mildred Got Phished!) - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, settle down, everyone! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the...
TEENS SEEKING CLOUT DESERVE JAIL CELLS.
By Lori Grimmace · 10/12/2025
## The Abyss Stares Back: When "Fun" Becomes Felony Let's be blunt. I’ve seen enough. Enough breathless reporting on "challenges" and “trends” that amount to little more than televised idiocy. And fr...
Digital War: Our Critical Systems Under Siege!
By Ronald Peabody · 10/7/2025
## The Digital Battlefield: A Look at the Rising Tide of Cyber Warfare and Criminality Folks, let's be frank. We're living in a dangerous world. Not just with geopolitical tensions overseas, but righ...
LADY IN TRASH CAN SAD!
By Jerome Skinly · 9/6/2025
## Sad News About A Lady Hi, I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I have some really sad news. It's about a lady who was found... well, it's hard to say. She was found in a garbage can ...
Just...a really sad thing happened at the Quick Stop.
By Leo Parks · 8/13/2025
## A Sad Discovery at the Quick Stop It’s… well, it’s just awful, really. Here at Jape News, we try to focus on the good things happening in our community, but sometimes we have to report on things t...