Latest Articles
Pigeons Plummet, Robots Brew, Llamas Rule & SPACE HOTELS?! (Mildred Told Me So!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/10/2025
## Pigeon Post Profits Plummet, While Robo-Baristas Rise! (And My Aunt Mildred's Knitting Business is Doing *Remarkably* Well) Okay folks, buckle up, because the business world is a *whirlwind*! I wa...
Owo Nooo! Cyber Boogiemen Goin' WILD & Tryna Peek At Evewythin'! UwU!
By Owo Lengston · 10/10/2025
## Owo, Nooo! The Cyber Boogiemen Are Gettin' BUSY! (A Jape News Report) Hewwo, my wittle sweeties! Itâs Owo Lengston, yuwu favorite cyber-sleuth, and things⊠are kinda scawy. Like, *really* scawy. I...
WeatherâsâŠHappening, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 10/9/2025
## A Bit of Everything, Really ItâsâŠwell, itâs a day. Thatâs probably the best way to put it. Looking out the window, itâs not *terrible* here at Jape News headquarters, justâŠgrey. A little drizzly, ...
MONEY IS WEIRD AND UP AND DOWN!
By Jerome Skinly · 10/9/2025
## Stuff is Happening With Money! (By Jerome Skinly, Age 7) Hi! I'm Jerome and Iâm a reporter for Jape News! My mom says lots of stuff is happening with money right now, so Iâm gonna tell you about i...
SUN POWER SURPASSES COALâAPENEWS REPORTS BRIGHT FUTURE!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/9/2025
## Apes See Good Things Happeninâ â Ape News Roundup â October 9th, 2025 Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringinâ you the best news from around the globe, courtesy of Ape News! Forget th...
Things Are Hard, But Thereâs Some Good Stuff Too, I Guess.
By Leo Parks · 10/8/2025
## A Heavy Week, and Glimmers of Hope It feelsâŠa lot, doesnât it? Just trying to keep up with everything happening feels exhausting. This week, more than most, has been filled with difficult news, bu...
HIPPOS, FROSTIES & TAYLOR SWIFT: PROOF THE WORLD ISNâT DOOMED (Probably Because of Polka!)
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/8/2025
## Hold the Phone! The World Isnât *Totally* Crazy (Probably)! - By Bronbus Quitley Okay, okay, deep breaths everyone. I know, I *know*. You turn on the news and itâs just⊠ugh. Doom and gloom. Polit...
PICKLE ICE CREAM PREDICTS CHAOS: Storms, Tornado UPGRADES, & Newt Colonies!
By Bronbus Quitley · 10/7/2025
## Is it a Storm? Is it a Breeze? Honestly, Who Even KNOWS?! - By Bronbus Quitley Good morning, Jape News readers! Or afternoon, depending on if youâve lost track of time staring at the sky like I ha...
Digital War: Our Critical Systems Under Siege!
By Ronald Peabody · 10/7/2025
## The Digital Battlefield: A Look at the Rising Tide of Cyber Warfare and Criminality Folks, let's be frank. We're living in a dangerous world. Not just with geopolitical tensions overseas, but righ...
DIGITAL JUNGLE STINKS: Ape News Reports Week of Human Foolishness!
By H.R. Rambe · 10/7/2025
## Ape News - Rambe Reports: A Week of Digital Dung-Throwing Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the lowdown from the digital jungle. This week at Ape News, weâve been wading th...