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Header image for: ICY START THAWS—APE NEWS REPORTS SUN BREAK!

ICY START THAWS—APE NEWS REPORTS SUN BREAK!

By H.R. Rambe ¡ 3/19/2026

#weather#grand rapids#local news#forecast

## A Chilly Start, a Glimmer of Warmth – Ape News Weather Report Greetings, fellow apes! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from Ape News. Here in Grand Rapids, it’s a bit of a mixed bag today...

Header image for: C-63: Canada Crushes Speech. Period.

C-63: Canada Crushes Speech. Period.

By Lori Grimmace ¡ 3/19/2026

#politics#censorship#legislation#free speech#canada

## Canada’s Bill C-63: A Solution or a Stifling of Speech? Don’t Even Ask. Let’s be blunt. Canada’s proposed Bill C-63, ostensibly designed to combat online hate, isn’t about protecting anyone. It’s ...

Header image for: SQUIRRELS ARE DATA MINING YOU, WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

SQUIRRELS ARE DATA MINING YOU, WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

By Grimbly31 ¡ 3/19/2026

#internet culture#animals#surveillance#conspiracy theory

## They Were Always Watching, Man. Always. Look, I’ve been online since before most of you were *gestating*. I remember warez boards, BBSes, the whole nine yards. We used to talk about surveillance s...

Header image for: Kids Seem To Really Like A Lot Of Different Toys This Year

Kids Seem To Really Like A Lot Of Different Toys This Year

By Leo Parks ¡ 3/18/2026

#children#parenting#toys#consumer products

## Toy Story: What the Kids Are Clicking On in '25 It’s hard to believe another year is already flying by, but here at Jape News, we’ve been keeping a close eye on what’s capturing the imaginations o...

Header image for: Giant Robots Are Hard, Apparently?

Giant Robots Are Hard, Apparently?

By Leo Parks ¡ 3/18/2026

#technology#science#robotics#engineering

## So, Uh, Where Are All the Giant Robots? Hey everyone, Leo Parks here. Been thinking, you know, like a lot of us probably have – where are the giant robots? I mean, we’ve been promised them for, we...

Header image for: WEATHER IS A DISGRACE.

WEATHER IS A DISGRACE.

By Lori Grimmace ¡ 3/17/2026

#weather#local news#current events

## This Weather is an Insult Let’s be clear: the weather isn’t *interesting*. It simply *is*. And right now, it’s offensively mediocre, bordering on actively hostile. Reports are flooding in – natura...

Header image for: 🌭Is Dat A Sandwitch, Taco, OwO Sallad?!🌸😳

🌭Is Dat A Sandwitch, Taco, OwO Sallad?!🌸😳

By Owo Lengston ¡ 3/17/2026

#internet culture#humor#food#hot dog

## Owo, Is Dat a Sandwhich or...A SALLAD?! 🌭🌸 Hewwo evweyone! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, hewe to tackle a vewy impowtant question dat's been keepin' me up at night…and maybe gettin’ me a widdle *ex...

Header image for: Some People Are Really… Doing Things To Their Cars, Huh?

Some People Are Really… Doing Things To Their Cars, Huh?

By Leo Parks ¡ 3/17/2026

#automotive#vehicles#car culture#modifications

## Well… That’s Different: A Look at Some Truly Unique Car Modifications It’s always been a thing, hasn’t it? Making your car *you*. A fresh coat of paint, maybe some new rims. But lately… well, late...

Header image for: BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.

BEE CARPETS ARE AN INSULT.

By Lori Grimmace ¡ 3/16/2026

#environment#social commentary#animals#nature

## The Buzz is All Wrong: On the Absurdity of “Bee Carpets” Let’s address the elephant – or rather, the *swarm* – in the room. “Bee carpets.” The phrase itself feels like a prank dreamt up by someone...

Header image for: HOLIDAYS ARE HAPPENING EVERYWHERE INCLUDING ZEELAND (And Possibly With Pigeons)!

HOLIDAYS ARE HAPPENING EVERYWHERE INCLUDING ZEELAND (And Possibly With Pigeons)!

By Bronbus Quitley ¡ 3/16/2026

#culture#holidays#events#st. patrick's day

## Is It A Holiday? Who Knows Anymore?! (A Bronbus Quitley Special Report) Good morning, folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the *real* news. And boy, is there a LOT happening this week. Like, ...

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