News? LOL. It’s Not Random, Newbie.

Seriously? He Thinks News Just... Happens? A Lament for the Uninitiated.

Right, so I was at the Digi-Cafe the other day – you know, the one with the questionable nutrient paste and surprisingly robust wifi – and overheard a conversation. A perfectly reasonable-sounding gentleman, let's call him Barry, was ranting. Ranting about "the media" and how they just report whatever they feel like. Standard stuff, you’re probably thinking. But then he dropped this bombshell: “I just don’t get it. They report what they want. It’s…random!”

Random? Random?! This guy clearly hasn's spent a single minute pondering the intricate machinery that churns out the constant stream of information assaulting our senses. Bless his heart.

Look, I’ve been trawling the digital ether since before broadband was even a thing. Back when dial-up was a struggle and bulletin boards were the lifeblood of the early internet. I’ve seen news evolve. I’ve seen it mutate. I’m practically a digital fossil. And let me tell you, the idea that news just “happens” is hilariously naive.

It’s not some benevolent force dispensing truth. It’s a system, a process, a frankly exhausting chain of decisions driven by a bunch of criteria you wouldn’t believe.

Take those news values, for instance. Impact? Timeliness? Prominence? Barry wouldn’t know a “prominent” institution from a particularly well-rendered NFT. These aren't suggestions, they're the guardrails. They guide the selection process. "Does this affect a lot of people? No? Then it probably won't hit the main feed.” "Did this just happen? Old news, recycle it for the legacy systems."

And it’s teamwork. It's not one guy in a room deciding what makes the top of the scroll. It's editors, producers, reporters – all bouncing ideas off each other, trying to figure out what will grab eyeballs and – let's be honest – keep the servers humming. There’s a whole architecture to this stuff.

This “constant availability,” the 24/7 churn… Barry clearly doesn't grasp the pressure. It’s not about reporting the most important story; it's about feeding the beast. The algorithm demands content. And the audience? Well, they’re a fickle bunch, easily swayed by a flashy headline and a cleverly manipulated image.

It’s ironic, isn't it? People complain about the news being biased, or sensational, or just plain wrong. And they're not entirely wrong to complain. But they rarely stop to consider why. It's not malice; it's a consequence of the system itself.

Barry's frustration is understandable. But his ignorance… well, it's a testament to how far removed the average person is from the machinery that shapes their perception of the world.

Next time you're scrolling through the doom-scrolling abyss, remember: it’s not random chaos. It’s a carefully curated, algorithmically driven…thing. And somewhere, a team of overworked humans is making decisions, trying to keep the whole shebang from imploding.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go recalibrate my noise filter. The constant barrage is getting to me. Anyone got a vintage BBS emulator running? I'm feeling nostalgic.