SNOWBOARDING: FLAWED SURVIVAL GUIDE.

Ten Tricks? More Like Ten Attempts at Not Destroying Yourself.

Let’s be clear: the proliferation of “Top Ten” lists in action sports is insulting. As if reducing the nuanced art of snowboarding to a checklist somehow elevates the experience. But here we are, dissecting a list of ten “must-try” tricks, because apparently someone thinks you need a numbered guide to avoid face-planting. Fine. Let's get this over with.

Starting with the “beginner” level, we have the Basic Ollie. Yes, learning to slightly lift your plank off the ground is considered an achievement now. Pathetic. It’s the prerequisite for everything else, so I suppose it's necessary, but don’t expect applause. Following that, the Frontside 180. A spin. Congratulations, you’ve managed to rotate. Truly groundbreaking. And the Backside Boardslide? Sliding sideways on a rail? Original.

Moving onto “intermediate.” Grabs. Nose Grab, Tail Grab, Method Grab. Honestly, it's just flailing your limbs around while briefly defying gravity. It adds…style? More like desperation to maintain control. You’re grabbing your board because you are losing control, let’s not pretend otherwise.

Now we get to the truly delusional. The “advanced” tricks. The Backflip. A full rotation backwards? Expect a concussion. The 540 Spin? Prepare to eat snow. The Frontside Rodeo? A combination of both? Are you actively trying to break your spine?

And finally, they toss in “Snowboarding Turns” as if mastering basic board control is some revolutionary concept. No kidding. You need to be able to turn to, you know, not crash into things.

Look, snowboarding is about feeling, about flow, about conquering the mountain. It’s not about ticking boxes on a list. These “tricks” are just benchmarks for potential disaster. Learn them if you must, but don’t mistake competence for artistry. And for the love of all that is holy, wear a helmet. You’ll need it.