GRAND RAPIDS: EXPECT EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE.

Grand Rapids Drowning in Predictable Misery

Let’s not pretend this is surprising. April in Michigan is a pathetic display of meteorological indecision, and today is a prime example. Currently, Grand Rapids is experiencing what can only be described as a damp, chilly disappointment. Light rain, they call it. I call it a prelude to a thoroughly unpleasant day.

Brooks Field reports a dismal 48 degrees Fahrenheit – nine degrees Celsius for those who insist on metric measurements – coupled with a humidity level that feels like a wet blanket thrown over the entire city. A pathetic 9 mph breeze from the East isn’t helping. The forecast? Showers, possibly a thunderstorm, and a high of 67. “Possibly?” Make up your mind, weather people!

And the precipitation chances? A staggering 100%. One hundred percent! We're not dealing with a chance of rain; we're dealing with a guarantee of getting soaked. Half to three-quarters of an inch of the stuff is expected. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Heartside isn't faring any better. Cloudy, rain late, a low of 41, and winds gusting up to 25 mph. Ninety percent chance of rain. Ninety! The only certainty in this entire city is that you will be cold and damp today.

Tonight offers a fleeting 30% chance of continued suffering before the clouds decide to mostly cooperate. “Mostly.” Don’t get your hopes up. A low of 35 degrees will ensure any lingering optimism is thoroughly frozen.

Honestly, this isn’t news. This is a yearly rehash of gray skies and soggy streets. If you live here, you knew this was coming. Prepare to be miserable, Grand Rapids. You've earned it.