MAFIA & PIGEONS RULE GAMING—Plus My Book Is Worth a Fortune!

Bronbus Quitley's Absolutely Definitive (and Correct) Gaming Rundown - August 2025!

Alright folks, gather ‘round! Bronbus Quitley here, your guide to all things digital and dazzling! Last month was a monster for gaming, truly a monster. I’ve been crunching the numbers (with my abacus, naturally – keeps the algorithms honest, you see) and I’m here to spill the beans. And boy, are there beans! Did you know beans were originally used as currency in ancient Rome? Fascinating, really. But I digress… GAMES!

Let's start with those PC powerhouses over on Steam. Now, Titan Quest II did pretty well, over 430,000 units. Not bad, not bad at all! But let me tell you, the real shocker? Warhammer 40k: Dawn of War! People are still obsessed with grimdark futures, apparently. 376,000 copies! Who knew? I tried playing once, got distracted building a miniature replica of the Roman Colosseum out of bottle caps. It was glorious.

But the big, BIG news on PC, you ask? Mafia: The Old Country! Now, this game...this game is special. They sold over 800,000 on console AND 620,000 on Playstation! It's a global phenomenon. I heard they had to hire extra pigeon trainers just to deliver the game discs! Pigeons are surprisingly efficient, you know. Faster than most mail carriers, if you ask me.

And then there's Metal Gear Solid Delta. Now, I’m told it did alright on Playstation, 310,000, but folks, the Steam numbers? Fifteen million in revenue! That’s more than I made selling my self-published book of haikus about garden gnomes! (It’s a collector’s item now, you can’t find it anywhere). Speaking of obscure, Abyssus and Is This Seat Taken? are doing surprisingly well – over 100,000 each! Proof that people like weird stuff. I like weird stuff!

Then you’ve got those perennial hits like Peak and Mage Arena just adding millions of players. It's like a digital hydra! Oh, and Cyberpunk 2077 had a sale – 65% off! That's how you get people back in Night City. Smart move. And Battlefield 6? Pre-orders are through the roof! 750,000 units before anyone's even seen it! It must have lasers… or maybe trained hamsters operating the tanks. You never know.

Now, let's hop over to the console world. Madden NFL 26 is still king, selling 1.1 million on both Playstation and Xbox! People LOVE their digital football. I once tried to teach my goldfish to play, but it mostly just blew bubbles. Gears of War: Reloaded is doing well too – 300,000 on Xbox, and a solid 4.5/5 rating on the Playstation Store. Good stuff. And, of course, Helldivers 2 is a smash hit! Over 800,000 copies sold, and over 500,000 on Xbox in just five days! The future is bright for those bug-blasting heroes.

And don’t even get me STARTED on the Nintendo Switch! Tiny Bookshop is selling like hotcakes – over 200,000 units! It just goes to show, sometimes you just need a cozy little virtual bookstore. Oh, and Kirby and the Forgotten Land is getting a Switch 2 upgrade! Yes, you heard that right! The Switch 2! It’s real! I saw a prototype… it was disguised as a toaster, but I knew. I always know.

So there you have it! August 2025 in gaming! It's a wild, wonderful world out there, folks. And remember, always trust a man with an abacus. And a healthy respect for garden gnomes.