GRAND RAPIDS WEATHER IS A DISGRACE.

Grand Rapids Weather: Barely Avoiding an Ice Age, Honestly

Let’s be clear: April in Michigan is supposed to be spring. What we got today was a pathetic imitation. A paltry 42 degrees? Are you kidding me? I’ve seen warmer temperatures in a walk-in freezer. And “partly cloudy”? That’s a generous description for the gray, oppressive blanket that’s been smothering this city.

The wind, clocking in at 14 mph with gusts threatening to rip the poorly-maintained siding off your house, isn’t helping. It’s a relentless, biting wind, the kind that actively seeks to punish anyone foolish enough to venture outside.

And don’t even get me started on the forecast. A 40% chance of showers tonight? As if the day wasn’t miserable enough. Then, Monday promises a delightful cocktail of rain and snow. Snow. In April. Is this a joke? Someone needs to check the calendar, because apparently Mother Nature is operating on a different time scale.

A high of “near 45”? That’s not a high, that’s a barely-above-freezing compromise. Frankly, I expected better. I expected spring. What we’re getting is a prolonged, damp, and frankly depressing tease. Stock up on hot beverages and prepare to huddle indoors. You've been warned.