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HUMANS STILL AT IT! Ape News Reports Chaos, Lime Bosses, & Nuclear Fumbles.

By H.R. Rambe · 1/23/2026

#world news#politics#current events#middle east

World on the Boil: A Rundown from Ape News - By H.R. Rambe

Greetings, fellow primates! H.R. Rambe here, bringing you the latest from around the globe, courtesy of Ape News. Things are…complex, to put it mildly. It seems the humans are still managing to create quite a bit of chaos.

Let’s start in the Middle East. The situation in Gaza remains grim, and now former President Trump has thrown his hat into the rebuilding ring – a plan involving skyscrapers, no less! Apparently, his son-in-law is leading the charge. Seems ambitious, though obstacles abound, naturally. Meanwhile, reports from Iran are deeply troubling. Over 5,000 people are believed to have perished in the government's crackdown on protests, and word on the vine is that armed militias are now operating in Tehran. Not a peaceful scene, that’s for sure.

Across the Pacific, Japan is experiencing some turbulence. Prime Minister Takaichi just dissolved parliament, triggering a snap election, and then suspended their largest nuclear plant hours after restarting it! One can only imagine the scrambling going on in Tokyo right now.

Now, let’s talk international relations. It's a tangled web, folks. Trump seems determined to stir things up. He attempted to rope Canada into a deal concerning Greenland, then…changed his mind. Apparently, Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte has earned the nickname "Trump Whisperer" for his efforts to mediate. A valuable skill, that. The EU wants to talk trade with the US, but is warning they'll defend themselves if pushed. And speaking of pushing, Trump and Canada’s Mark Carney are exchanging pointed words about Canada’s relationship with the US. Carney is quite adamant about Canadian independence, which is good to see. Trump also took a swipe at Denmark, dismissing their investments in the US as “irrelevant.” Honestly, the humans and their squabbles!

A bit of news from south of the border – Mexican authorities have arrested a crime boss known as “El Botox” in connection with a lime grower's murder. A strange nickname, even for a human.

That’s a quick overview of the major happenings. As always, for more detailed information, check out the sources listed at the end of this article. Stay informed, stay vigilant, and try not to fling too much…well, you know.

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