A WEEK OF UTTER NONSENSE.

A Week of…Everything. Honestly, Too Much.

Let’s just get this over with. Apparently, this week is packed with “observances.” As if we needed more reasons to feel obligated to acknowledge things. Fine. Here's the rundown, so you can brace yourselves.

April 1st kicks things off with the utterly predictable April Fool's Day. Prepare for forced jocularity and pathetic attempts at humor. Simultaneously, those observing Passover begin their preparations. A little more dignity there, at least, but still – a holiday.

April 2nd? More. Maundy Thursday and the actual start of Passover. And, because apparently celebrating one thing isn’t enough, it’s also World Autism Awareness Day. A UN observance, naturally. Oh, and Florida gets to have Pascua Florida Day. Just…Florida.

Good Friday rolls around on April 3rd. A state holiday in a frankly embarrassing number of states. Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, North Carolina, North Dakota, New Jersey, Tennessee, Texas, and Georgia? Seriously? Get back to work.

April 4th brings Holy Saturday, because why not add another religious observance to the pile. The UN also insists we acknowledge Mine Awareness Day. Honestly, are they trying to guilt-trip us?

Then, April 5th assaults us with Easter Sunday and the International Day of Conscience. Conscience? As if anyone pays attention to that anymore.

And if you thought it was over, you were wrong. April 6th concludes this exhausting week with Easter Monday, the International Day of Sport for Development and Peace (a truly ridiculous concept), and National Tartan Day. Tartan. Day.

Just…a relentless barrage of manufactured importance. Consider this your warning. Proceed with minimal enthusiasm.