CALENDAR IS A DISASTER. FIX IT.

A Week of…Everything. Honestly, Too Much.

Look, I’m Lori Grimmace, and I don’t do fluff. But even I have to acknowledge that the calendar this week is offensively cluttered. It's as if someone decided to cram every vaguely important date into seven days. Fine. Here's the rundown, because apparently people need to be told when things are.

Yesterday, March 31st, was simultaneously International Transgender Day of Visibility, a holiday for farmworkers (California, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas, Michigan, and Washington, specifically – the rest of you clearly don’t care), and, of course, César Chávez Day in the aforementioned states. A lot. Too much, frankly. Pick a struggle, people.

Now we’re careening into April, and the chaos escalates. Today, April 1st, brings Passover Eve for those who observe, and for everyone else? April Fool’s Day. Predictably irritating. A day dedicated to pointless pranks. Just…grow up.

Tomorrow, April 2nd, is a religious triple threat: Maundy Thursday and the first day of Passover and World Autism Awareness Day. Don't even get me started on Florida’s insistence on celebrating Pascua Florida. It’s a state, not a theme park.

Good Friday, April 3rd, is a state holiday in half the country (Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, North Carolina, North Dakota, New Jersey, Tennessee, and Texas, plus Georgia) which means…well, nothing productive. Then comes Holy Saturday on the 4th. More religious observance. Look, I respect faith, but can we maybe spread these things out?

Easter arrives on the 5th, followed immediately by Easter Monday on the 6th. A two-day sugar rush and egg hunt extravaganza. Wonderful. And just when you think it’s over, we’ve got the UN throwing in International Day of Sport for Development and Peace and National Tartan Day for good measure. Seriously? Tartan Day?

The week concludes with United Nations’ World Health Day and the Day of Remembrance of the Victims of the Rwanda Genocide on April 7th. A somber note, finally, buried under a mountain of celebrations, observances, and frankly, nonsense.

So there you have it. A week. A week of…everything. Remember these dates if you must, but honestly, I wouldn’t blame you for just trying to get through it.