AUBURN IS A WET, GRAY FAILURE.

Auburn Drowning in Dreariness: A Weather Report for the Discerning (and Annoyed)

Let’s be clear: if you left the house without an ark today, you made a mistake. Auburn, Alabama is currently experiencing what can only be described as atmospheric malaise. The sky isn't just cloudy, it's a suffocating blanket of gray, seemingly determined to leach all joy from existence.

They call for a “high near 58°F.” Fifty-eight degrees. In January. It’s practically offensive. A pathetic attempt at warmth that insults both winter and spring. And the rain? Oh, the rain. Not a dramatic, cleansing downpour, mind you. No. It's the insidious, persistent kind – the “likely, mainly before 9am” variety that lingers and dampens everything it touches, including your spirits. A paltry “tenth and quarter of an inch” they predict. As if a little water is going to solve anything.

The wind, thankfully, isn’t trying to actively dismantle your life, merely drifting around at a meek 5mph. It's a pathetic breeze, barely capable of rustling leaves, let alone offering any real refreshment.

A 70% chance of precipitation. Seventy percent! This isn’t a chance of rain, it’s a near certainty. Don’t be fooled by meteorological hedging. It's raining, or will be shortly, and you should probably just accept that you’re going to be damp and miserable.

Honestly, the whole situation is just… disappointing. Auburn deserved better. We all deserved better. Stay indoors. Read a book. Complain. It’s the only reasonable response.