INFANTS WITH IPHONES PROVE PARENTHOOD IS DYING.

The iPhone and Your Infant: A Descent Into Madness

Let's be blunt. The very question of whether a baby should have an iPhone is insulting. It speaks to a level of parental dereliction so profound it’s frankly terrifying. Are we truly at a point where we’re debating handing over expensive, fragile technology to beings who primarily communicate through screams and bodily fluids? Apparently, yes. And it's appalling.

The idiocy isn’t new, of course. Parents have always sought shortcuts, but this? This is actively damaging. Experts – and frankly, anyone with a basic understanding of child development – are screaming into the void about the dangers of screen time, and yet, the influencer-driven delusion persists.

The science is crystal clear. A baby’s brain isn’t a sponge waiting to be filled with TikTok dances. It’s a delicate, rapidly developing organ that needs real-world stimulation. We’re talking about crucial bonding through face-to-face interaction, the tactile exploration of their surroundings, and the simple joy of banging wooden blocks together. Not the cold, sterile glow of an iPhone screen.

Studies, conveniently ignored by the "my baby is a digital native!" crowd, show that excessive screen time can literally thin the cerebral cortex. Let that sink in. You’re potentially stunting your child's cognitive development for the sake of a fleeting moment of quiet. And what about sleep? Forget it. Blue light and overstimulation are a recipe for a perpetually exhausted, and likely enraged, infant.

Some will try to justify it with video calls to grandparents. Fine. A brief interactive connection is marginally better than nothing. But don’t fool yourselves – it doesn't negate the damage of endless, mindless scrolling.

The answer is, and should always be, a resounding no. Put the phone down. Engage with your child. Read a book. Go outside. Anything is better than turning your infant into a screen-addicted zombie. If you need a digital babysitter, you've already failed. Consider professional help. And seriously, question your life choices.