GRAY SKIES, GRAY VALUES: Is Bad Weather Reflecting a National Decline?

A Dampening of the American Spirit? Grand Rapids Braces for Unseasonable Storms

Folks, I’m looking out my window here at the Jape News offices, and let me tell you, it’s…grey. Just plain grey. Not the steely grey of a determined American, but the sort of grey that suggests a lack of resolve. A lack of sunshine, if you will. The thermometer reads a chilly 47 degrees – 47! In April! What happened to spring?

Now, I'm no scientist, but I remember springs being…brighter. More optimistic. This isn’t the kind of weather that builds character; it erodes it. Dampness seeps into everything, not just your shoes, but your very outlook.

The weather service is predicting a 90% chance of “showers and thunderstorms,” and they’re not talking about a polite little sprinkle. They’re talking about “potentially heavy rainfall.” Heavy rainfall! It’s enough to make a man want to stay indoors, and when we stay indoors, folks, who’s going to build this country? Who’s going to work?

They say this is part of a larger “spring-like pattern” across the eastern half of the country. Spring-like? This feels more like November pretending to be April. They’re even warning about severe thunderstorms down south. Severe! It’s like the very heavens are angry, and frankly, with the way things are going these days, can you blame them?

Saturday doesn't look much better, with more of the same soaking stuff predicted. They’re saying 64 degrees, which sounds…tolerable, but a damp 64. A defeated 64.

I’m not saying this weather is a sign of the apocalypse, but it’s certainly a sign of something. A sign that we need to be prepared. A sign that we need to remember what makes this country great: grit, determination, and a good, solid pair of waterproof boots.

Stay dry out there, folks. And remember to look on the bright side…if you can find it through all the clouds.