FORTNITE ZOMBIES, AUNT MILDRED FLOSSES, AND MY FISH DESERVES A SKIN!

Hold the Phone! Fortnite's Gone WILD! (And My Aunt Mildred Finally Figured Out How to Floss)

Okay, okay, settle down folks! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the real dirt on what's happening in the world of Fortnite. And lemme tell ya, it’s a doozy!

First off, zombies! Yes, zombies! Apparently, The Walking Dead has invaded Fortnite Island! I always knew Negan was a bit of a trouble maker, honestly. I tried to warn the mayor of my hometown about him back in ‘98, said he had a bad aura, but did anyone listen? Noooo. Anyway, they’ve got new maps, new weapons… it's chaos, pure chaos! I heard Rick Grimes is really good at building forts, which, frankly, is impressive for a zombie apocalypse survivor.

And speaking of chaos, this "Lawless Season" is exactly that! Crime themed, huh? I bet they haven't seen my collection of vintage bottle caps. THAT’S crime, I tell ya! Apparently, there’s a new Battle Pass, and let me tell you, my cousin Bartholomew spent his entire life savings on it. Said it was an “investment.” Bartholomew also thinks pigeons are government drones, so… take that with a grain of salt.

But here's a secret, a real insider tip! Remember the Double Pump? That old strategy from way back when? It’s BACK! I tried to explain it to my Aunt Mildred, she thought I was speaking Klingon. But after 3 hours and a lot of interpretive dance, she finally got it. And then she started Flossing. It was… a sight. A glorious, chaotic sight! She’s become quite the Fortnite pro, actually. Beat me three times yesterday. Three times!

Now, let's talk tech! Word on the street (and by "street" I mean a guy I met at a taxidermy convention) is that the new Switch 2 might actually run Fortnite! Can you believe it?! I always said Nintendo was onto something. Although, I'm also hearing rumblings about a PlayStation 6 already in production! 2027?! They're moving FAST! It's like they're trying to catch up with my brain! (Which, as you know, is operating on a completely different level.)

Oh, and get this! Snoop Dogg is handing out FREE skins for Winterfest! I tried to get one for my goldfish, Finny, but apparently, goldfish aren’t eligible. Discriminating against aquatic life, I tell ya! And speaking of free stuff, they brought back the OG Renegade Raider skin! It's a rare one, so if you see it, grab it!

Finally, listen up! I’ve been doing some research (mostly on the internet, let's be honest), and there's this thing called FSR 4. Apparently, it'll make Fortnite look even better on Xbox! It's like putting a monocle on a masterpiece!

So there you have it folks! Everything you need to know about the wild world of Fortnite! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go teach Aunt Mildred how to build a proper fort. She keeps trying to use garden gnomes. It’s… concerning.