Man Wonders If News Should Maybe Stay The Same?

Lost in the Loop: Local Man Baffled by Ever-Changing Headlines

By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer

Old Man Hemlock, a retired clock repairman from Willow Creek, is… confused. And honestly, who can blame him? It’s a complicated world. But his confusion isn’t about quantum physics or the latest advancements in automated gardening. It’s about the news.

I met Mr. Hemlock at the diner this morning. He was reading a digital newspaper on his tablet, looking increasingly agitated. “First, it was that business with the genetically modified tomatoes,” he explained, gesturing vaguely with a forkful of scrambled eggs. “Said they were going to solve world hunger. Then, just a few hours later, it was a scandal! Something about… corporate greed? Now it’s about a cat stuck in a tree.”

He sighed, pushing his plate away. “Makes a man feel like he can’t keep up. I read the paper to understand things, not chase a moving target.”

It turns out, Mr. Hemlock expected the news to be…stable. He thought if something was important enough to report, it would stay important. That the tomato story would remain the tomato story until, you know, the tomatoes either solved world hunger or didn’t.

I tried to explain, carefully, about the news cycle. About how things move quickly now, how there's so much information coming at us all the time. I mentioned that something impactful, timely, or even just new often pushes older stories down the list. I talked about how news outlets have to keep things fresh for their audience.

“So…it’s not about what’s true, it’s about what’s new?” he asked, his brow furrowed.

Oh dear. That sounded…strong. I quickly clarified. "Well, no, truth is still very important! It's just…a lot happens. And things change. And there's a lot to report." I hoped that sounded reassuring. I really didn’t want to upset him.

He seemed unconvinced. “Back in my day,” he began, “a story stayed a story. You had time to digest it. To form an opinion.”

I nodded sympathetically. It's true, things were different. But I also suspected that even “back in his day” there was something that caused people to talk about a different thing the next day. A parade, a local election, a particularly good batch of apple pie.

Ultimately, I think Mr. Hemlock is going to stick to fixing clocks. It's a slower pace, a more predictable world. And honestly? I don’t blame him one bit. Sometimes, I wish I could too. It's a lot to keep up with.