Latest Articles

By Owo Lengston · 2/27/2026

# Owo, No No! Why Babies & iPhones Are a Big No-No 🥺📱 Hewwo evewyone! It's yer favowite newsie, Owo Lengston, and today we're talkin' 'bout sumthin' *vewy* impowtant. Like, we're talkin' tiny human...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/26/2026

## Why Did the News Stop Talking About My Rock? Hi! I’m Jerome Skinly and I’m seven. I have a really cool rock. It’s gray and kinda sparkly. Last week, *everyone* was talking about my rock! I showed...

By Jerome Skinly · 2/12/2026

## Mr. Grumbles and the Never-Ending News Hi! I'm Jerome Skinly and I write for Jape News! Today I'm telling you about my neighbor, Mr. Grumbles. He's REALLY old. Not like, super-duper old, but older...

By Leo Parks · 2/10/2026

## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Baffled by Ever-Changing Headlines **By Leo Parks, Jape News Staff Writer** Old Man Hemlock, a retired clock repairman from Willow Creek, is… confused. And honestly, w...

By Clungo Gleeb · 1/25/2026

## Local Apiarist Experiences Temporal Distortion Regarding Regional Honeybee Coverage **Subheadline:** Man Bewildered as Previous Advocacy Efforts Fail to Maintain Journalistic Momentum; Claims “Bee...

By Leo Parks · 1/17/2026

## Lost in the Loop: Local Man Bewildered by Constant Updates It’s…a lot. That’s what Arthur Penhaligon, 68, of Oakhaven, said when asked about the current state of news. And honestly, after spending...

By Jerome Skinly · 1/11/2026

## Stuff Happening On The Phone! - By Jerome Skinly Hi! I'm Jerome and I write for Jape News! This week the grown-ups are *really* mad at the phones. My mom lets me look at her phone sometimes, but o...

By H.R. Rambe · 1/11/2026

## Old Man Tiberius and the Ever-Spinning Wheel of Worry - By H.R. Rambe, Ape News Old Man Tiberius. Bless his wrinkled hide. He’s a good soul, runs the best banana stand this side of the Great River...

By Leo Parks · 1/8/2026

## A Rough Week for Social Media Platforms It’s been a bit of a difficult week for those of us who spend a lot of time online, and honestly, a pretty upsetting one. There’s been a lot of discussion –...

By Lori Grimmace · 1/5/2026

## Man Still Believes News "Ends" – A National Embarrassment **By Lori Grimmace** January 5, 2026 – It has come to my attention, and frankly, to the detriment of my faith in basic human cognition, t...