FROGS IN THE FOG & CELERY-SCALE TEMPERATURES!

Fog, Frogs, and Forecasts: A Grand Rapids Weather Report (by Bronbus Quitley)

Good MORNING, Grand Rapids! Or, well, good sort of morning. It’s…atmospheric out there. Thick, you might say. I stepped outside just a bit ago, and honestly? I thought I’d wandered into a cloud! A very damp cloud. They say it’s just fog, but I suspect it’s actually millions of tiny, confused frogs. Don't look at me like that, it makes sense! Frogs get lost, they float…it's basic amphibian navigation!

Anyway, the official reports – and I use that term loosely, because honestly who trusts official reports? – are saying it's 59 degrees Fahrenheit. That's 15 on the Celsius scale, for all you international folks and…and mathematicians! Did you know Celsius was invented by a guy who really liked celery? True story. I read it in a pamphlet once.

The humidity is up around 96 percent, which explains why my hair is currently defying gravity. It's basically becoming a small weather system on my head. And the wind? Oh, the wind! Blowing from the south at 15 miles per hour. That’s…that’s fast. Faster than a caffeinated squirrel, I'd wager.

Now, here’s the kicker. They’re predicting a 90 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms before midnight. Ninety percent! That's practically a guarantee, folks! Stock up on rubber duckies. I’ve got a whole fleet ready to go, personally. And it doesn’t stop there! They’re expecting more of the wet stuff to continue throughout the night. Apparently, the weather is feeling particularly enthusiastic today.

Tomorrow, Friday, should be…partly sunny. Partly! As if the weather can't make up its mind. It’s like a toddler choosing between ice cream flavors. One minute it’s rain, the next it’s sun, the next it wants a pony! The high will be near 57 degrees, so, you know, layer up. Or maybe just stay inside and learn to speak frog. You never know when that skill will come in handy.

So there you have it! The weather, as reported by yours truly, Bronbus Quitley. Stay dry, keep your eyes peeled for airborne amphibians, and remember: a little rain never hurt anyone…unless you’re a dandelion. They hate the rain. Trust me. I asked one.