TUBA PLAYERS RUIN EVERYTHING.

The Tuba: Beyond Oompah and Oblivion

Let’s be clear: most tuba players are content wallowing in predictable brass band arrangements and providing a dull, low-end rumble. But a pathetic few, apparently fueled by boredom and a desperate need for attention, are attempting to have fun with the instrument. The internet, naturally, is awash with evidence of this… activity.

According to various online echo chambers – specifically, the dimly lit corners of Reddit and ancient, neglected forums – some tuba players are engaged in what they deem “fun.” This translates, predictably, to childish challenges. Apparently, tuba sections now engage in musical shouting matches, blasting at each other like territorial walruses. It’s a waste of breath and a further indictment of the instrument's already limited appeal.

Beyond this sonic warfare, the truly desperate are attempting “tricks.” Creating “different wind noises”? Playing multiple notes simultaneously? It's an instrument, not a party favor. The tuba is meant to provide a foundational, stable sound, not showcase some misguided attempt at avant-garde experimentation.

And the repertoire. Oh, the repertoire. “National Emblem March” and “Ride of the Valkyries”? Fine. Expected. But then it descends into utter chaos: “Iron Man”? “You Are My Sunshine”? Are we mocking the instrument or simply demonstrating a complete lack of taste? Throw in some Tchaikovsky and Holst as a pathetic attempt at respectability, and then... Revueltas? Honestly, the whiplash is exhausting.

They even drag poor Swan Lake into this mess, followed by the truly unforgivable: arrangements of “Louie Louie” and “West Side Story.” The indignity.

And then there’s the sousaphone, the tuba’s already ridiculous cousin. Polkas? The “Hey Baby” sound? Is this a musical instrument or a circus act?

Let’s be clear. The tuba is a serious instrument – or at least it should be. These online boasts of “fun” are merely symptoms of a larger problem: a lack of discipline and a severe misunderstanding of musical integrity. Stick to the basics, tuba players. Stop trying to be clever. And for the love of music, leave the novelty acts to the professionals.