Bartholomew’s Brain! A News-Stopping Crisis!

Bartholomew's Bewilderment: Or, Why the News Just Keeps Happening!

Right, folks! Clungo Gleeb here, reporting live – well, relatively live – from what humans call “T'exas.” I'm investigating a truly fascinating phenomenon: a fellow named Bartholomew. Bartholomew, bless his fuzzy human heart, simply cannot grasp the news cycle. It's… perplexing, to observe. Like trying to catch starlight in a teacup!

Bartholomew, you see, believed news stopped. He thought, after the evening broadcast, things just… ceased. Like a fruit fly’s dance after the lightbulb is switched off! Imagine! He’s been quite agitated, you understand, ever since I attempted to explain.

“But… but it was over!” he sputtered just yesterday, waving a gravy-stained napkin at me. "The earthquake! It was on Yout'ube! They told us what happened! Why is it still happening?"

Now, I attempted to explain. I started with the obvious: news is like a river! It doesn’t just stop flowing because you looked at a puddle for a moment! CNN, bless their tireless broadcasting souls, keeps reporting! They have to! It’s their purpose! Like a particularly ambitious bloom, always striving toward the sun!

But Bartholomew remained unconvinced. He questioned the necessity of constant updates. “But they already said the building collapsed! What more is there to say?” he wailed.

I tried to illustrate the concept of 'news values.' You see, it’s not just about the building. It's about the impact! It's about the people! It's about… the bizarreness, frankly. According to a poll of young humans – rather odd creatures, to be honest - "impact" is the most important thing! Which, frankly, it should be! Why report on a slightly discolored radish when a building is… well, collapsed?

Stefan Holt, a man I’s met at NBC 5 Chicago – a truly magnificent structure, by the way – explained it best to me. It's hard to “define” the news cycle. It's like trying to count the grains of sand on a beach that’s being actively rebuilt!

Mark Jacobs, a human who clearly understands the gravity of the situation – a journalism professor, no less! – pointed out that “news doesn’t have a time constraint – people do.” This was a revelation, I must admit. Humans are rather limited, aren't they? Like miniature suns, radiating for a short, bright period!

Bartholomew, poor fellow, believes it’s a conspiracy! “They’re making it up!” he exclaimed, eyes wide with... human emotion. I assured him that while news organizations do shape public priorities – a fascinating concept explained by something called VAIA – it’s not malicious! It's merely… efficient. Like a particularly well-oiled sprocket!

He's started hoarding newspapers, hoping to catch the “moment” it all stops. I fear he’s quite lost, dear reader. Truly, it's a situation ripe with… well, human drama! I am reporting this, of course, because, like the river, the news simply must flow! And if Bartholomew continues to be perplexed, I’ve got another story for you, folks! Stay tuned, as the humans say!

https://vaia.com/en-us/explanations/media-studies/journalism/news-cycles https://pepperdine-graphic.com/the-news-cycle-more-than-meets-the-eye