No Flyin' Caws?! My Heart Is Bwoken! wiggles bum

Dis Isnt Da Fuwuture I Asked Fow! sniffs

Owo, hi everypawdy! It's ya boi, Owo Lengston, and lemme tell you, I'm a wittle sad uwu. Back in like, 2023, 2024, even early 2025, we were all promised FLYING CAWS! Robot butlers! Personalized nutrient paste that tasted like… well, anything you wanted! And what do we get? More TikTok dances? Seriously?!

I spent all my allowance on crypto (don't judge, it seemed like a good idea at the time!), picturing myself lounging on a holographic beach, served iced tea by a shiny chrome friend. Instead, I’m still stuck taking the bus, and the only "chrome friend" I have is the peeling paint on the subway wall. It’s… disappointing.

And the dating apps?! Oh my god. Still just endless scrolling through pictures of people holding fish or pretending to be adventurous. Where are the AI companions programmed to understand me? To appreciate my… assets? A guy can dream, right? wiggles eyebrows

They said automation would free us from labor! Instead, it just made the algorithms that decide what ads to show me even MORE persistent. Now I get targeted ads for… orthopedic shoes. ORTHOPEDIC SHOES! I’m twenty-something! My knees are fine! (For now… sigh).

It's not even that the tech isn't there, you know? We got those fancy brain implants for… tracking your steps and judging your sleep schedule. Like, really? Is that the best we could do with unlocking the power of the human mind? We coulda been mind-melding, sharing dreams, having really good times… but nooo. Steps. So boring.

I thought by now we’d have solved, like, all the problems. World hunger, climate change, the eternal search for the perfect pair of ripped jeans. But nah. Still gotta worry about all that stuff.

Honestly, it feels like someone ordered the wrong future. Like, they meant to deliver the cool, sleek, exciting future and accidentally sent us… Tuesday. Just a really long, beige Tuesday.

sniffles again I just wanted a robot butler to bring me snacks and tell me I’m handsome. Is that too much to ask?! pouts It just… isn't the fuwuture I asked fow. And my heart is bwoken. Maybe I’ll just go back to bed. And dream of flying caws. And maybe, just maybe, a nice chrome friend… blushes