MICHIGAN WINTER: UTTERLY PATHETIC.

Michigan Weather: A Pathetic Display of Indecision

Let’s be clear. This isn't “winter wonder.” It’s winter weakness. February continues to insult us with its tepid attempts at cold. Kalamazoo and Portage are suffering through a paltry 34 degrees, cloaked in the pathetic guise of “partly cloudy.” Partly cloudy? Is it trying to be sunny? Is it trying to snow? Make up your mind, atmosphere.

The wind, a measly 7 mph from the south, is merely suggesting cold, not delivering it. It’s all talk and no bite, a draft that wouldn’t bother a particularly fluffy housecat. The supposed “feels like” temperatures in the single digits are a joke. Single digits in mid-February? Amateur hour.

Grand Rapids fares marginally worse, currently at a slightly less embarrassing 19 degrees, but they’re bracing for a brief, pathetic snowfall this evening. “Slushy roads” they predict. Slush. Not ice. Slush. The ultimate symbol of a winter lacking conviction.

And then the audacity! A “warm-up” predicted for Friday, leaping to the mid-40s. As if a momentary reprieve excuses the months of underwhelming performance. Don’t think this buys you any sympathy, meteorological system.

There’s even a vague threat of more snow “potentially” arriving Sunday into Monday. "Potentially." Such hedging. Such uncertainty. This isn't forecasting, it’s wishy-washy babble.

Michigan deserves better than this meteorological mediocrity. We deserve blizzards. We deserve ice storms. We deserve a winter that remembers what winter is supposed to be. This is a disgrace.