Aunt Mildred & Rogue AI: The Internet's Gone Completely Bananas!

Hold onto Your Hats, Folks! The Internet is Officially a Wild West (and My Aunt Mildred Got Phished!) - By Bronbus Quitley

Okay, okay, settle down! Bronbus Quitley here, bringing you the real scoop on what's been happening out there in the digital world. And lemme tell ya, it's been…a ride. A bumpy, glitchy, potentially data-stealing ride!

Now, I’ve been saying for years that we’re all just one bad click away from chaos. And folks, we're getting closer! It used to be these hackers were like, polite enough. They’d break in, maybe rearrange your desktop icons, you know? Now? It's full-on digital mayhem!

Let's start with this F5 situation. Apparently, some sneaky folks got into F5’s systems and…well, let’s just say a whole lotta customer data is now floating around out there. Hundreds of thousands of devices are potentially affected! It’s like they robbed a digital bank, except instead of money, they stole…information! And you know what they say: information is the new gold! Though honestly, I’d still prefer gold. You can’t hack gold. Can you? Someone look into that.

And speaking of robbing, this Clop group? They're like the Bonnie and Clyde of ransomware. They’ve been going after companies using this Oracle E-Business Suite thingy - I think it’s some kind of super complicated accounting software? – and demanding money, naturally. My cousin Earl uses that! I’m gonna have to warn him. He still uses Windows XP, bless his heart.

But the truly frightening thing is they’re not just going after big companies. They're sending out emails, lots of emails, trying to trick people into giving up their information. And it's working! My Aunt Mildred? Got phished. Phished! She thought she was getting a coupon for prune juice! Prune juice! I tried to explain to her about phishing, but she just kept saying, “But it said ‘free!’” Honestly, some people.

And it's not just ransomware, either. These hackers are getting creative. Remember that power grid thing in Denmark? They actually managed to mess with their power system! Using some sort of...command injection flaw? Sounds scary! And the car companies? Apparently, they’re being targeted too! Can you imagine someone hacking your car? Driving it into a ditch? Or even worse, changing the radio station to polka music?! Unthinkable!

Now, you'd think the folks who are supposed to protect us would be ramping up, right? Nope! Apparently, CISA – that’s the Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, for those of you keeping score – is facing budget cuts! Budget cuts! It’s like taking away the firefighters while the building’s on fire! Makes absolutely no sense! And the folks who help the states with security are losing funding too! Honestly, it's a disaster waiting to happen.

They even say traditional security training isn't working! Turns out telling people "Don't click on suspicious links" isn’t enough. People are still clicking! It's like telling a cat not to chase a laser pointer! They just…can’t…help…themselves!

And get this – they're even starting to use artificial intelligence to do their dirty work! AI! It's like the robots are finally rising up! Though honestly, the AI I've seen so far is mostly just good at writing cat poems. But give it time. Give it time.

So what does this all mean? It means we’re living in a digital wild west, folks. A lawless, chaotic, potentially very expensive wild west. Keep your passwords strong, be wary of anything that sounds too good to be true, and for the love of all that is holy, do not click on links promising free prune juice. You've been warned!